2025 is coming to an end

 

It’s been a heck of a year. I don’t even know if I could sum it up properly, but I know one thing for sure — I’ve grown a lot. I’m not the same person I used to be. And that’s not a bad thing.

Second Life isn’t a big priority for me anymore. I deleted almost my entire friends list. I have about seven people left. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Over time, I’ve started to understand what I actually need in life. And one thing I don’t need is fake people in Second Life. People who throw around words and promises and then don’t stand behind any of it. This year has been incredibly lonely for me in Second Life. Really lonely. It feels dead. Nothing is happening. No one is talking. So I stopped forcing myself to care.

The loneliness itself doesn’t bother me that much. I’d rather be alone than surrounded by people who aren’t really there anyway. In a way, this needed to happen. I needed to take a stand for myself. And I think that started when I finally left my abusive Second Life partner. After that relationship completely tore me down, I slowly started finding myself again.

I’ve also noticed a shift in Second Life overall. People don’t talk the way they used to. Even when I go to my favorite club, everyone is quiet. They just stand there. And if someone does start talking in local chat, it’s almost like they’re doing something wrong — like they should stay quiet. It doesn’t feel social anymore. It feels uncomfortable.

But the silence itself isn’t the main issue for me. What hurts is feeling invisible. And that started the moment I transitioned from walking in Second Life to being in a wheelchair full-time. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think it says a lot about people, and about how quickly they stop seeing you when the first thing they notice makes them uncomfortable.

One of the clearest examples of this comes from someone I saw as a partner. I asked him to help me conceive in Second Life. He did. I became pregnant. And after that — nothing. Not a single word.

So I stopped the pregnancy. Why wouldn’t I? I’m used to being pregnant and doing it on my own, but when someone can’t even acknowledge you, when you’re completely invisible, I don’t see the point.

When I made that decision, I honestly didn’t feel much about it. I already knew he didn’t want to be involved as a father figure or anything like that. That was clear. What I did want was at least some form of acknowledgment from time to time. Just something. And he hasn’t given me that at all. In fact, he hasn’t spoken to me since I became pregnant.

I’ve had people tell me that I’ve changed a lot. But I don’t see it that way. I haven’t changed. The woman I am now has always been there. She was just dormant for a long time. I got tired of speaking my mind. Tired of saying what I felt and not being heard. So I stopped. I followed instead. Other people’s rules, other people’s expectations.

After starting this medication, that woman isn’t dormant anymore. I didn’t become someone new. I just stopped muting her. That’s why I seem different now.

As for leaving my abusive Second Life partner — I’m doing really fucking okay. Better than I ever thought I would. What’s strange is that I still miss him sometimes, even though he’s a complete asshole. I think that’s because he’s the father of my Second Life daughter, and that’s a bond I can’t fully erase.

As far as I know, he’s blocked me. And I don’t want to talk to him ever again. I really don’t. He can stay far away from my life. I also know he’s the kind of person who checks my social media from other accounts. And I know that something in his real life has changed — something that means he’s no longer “allowed” to talk to me. Let’s leave it at that.

Leaving 2025 behind, I have a strong feeling about 2026. Not in a material way. Not about things or achievements. But in a deeper sense. I think 2026 is going to show me what I’m actually meant to do.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

129 Days

That's how long it's been since I walked out the front door and never looked back. The first 30 days were the hardest for me, and after the 60-day mark, I barely gave him a second thought. That's why I haven't updated it. I'm over the worst hurdle, if that makes sense.

I have enjoyed myself quite a lot and being alone in my own space; if somebody had told me that about six months ago, I would have told them, “I will never be that kind of person who is OK with being alone.”

Looking back on what I have been through, being on my own is a fucking breath of fresh air.

In an attempt to regain some of the confidence that he chipped away at, I have been dressing up in outfits that I know he wouldn't approve of and going to places with many people. I stand around and take in the compliments I get on my body shape and look.

I call it “body exposure.” I don't know if that's an accurate term, but when I tell people that's what I'm doing, they seem to understand.

It has helped me to bloom again and not be so locked in my head hearing his voice telling me I shouldn't do this or I shouldn't do that.

I have enjoyed meeting some interesting people and some not-so-interesting and enjoyable people. Those people have found my front door quickly because I am completely and utterly done with wasting my time with people that are complete bullshit.

It still amazes me to this day how people can genuinely not understand that I see straight through people; it's like when a person tries to tell me a lie that is so crystal clear it's a lie they don't even understand that I see it or they think that they have just “fooled  me."

Only to realize I was one step ahead of them when they tried to talk themselves out of the lie.

I find it somewhat amusing.

How is how is motherhood?

It is terrific that my daughter turns 13 months old tomorrow!

The time has flown by so fast that I'm actually thinking about getting pregnant again, but I haven't really decided on that fully.

I have met someone who makes me feel special and loved. We are both Polyamorous, so we understand each other from the start.

One thing that I promised myself when I got out of that relationship I was in was that I was going to make it painstakingly apparent to people that I Am polyamorous so that it could not be mistaken.

My profile is perhaps a little bit too blunt, but I would rather be too blunt than have misunderstandings from people who don't read no at all.

That is it for my 129-day update.

I hope every one of you is doing well and they mean your life to its full potential

take care of yourselves, and I will talk to you later/

Tessa

You are One.

I look down at my daughter, tears streaming down my face. They're just before breaking into the ugly cry,” We made it….we made it you and I….” The tears keep streaming down my face as I continue, “One whole year… Can you believe that? You are one year old today.”

I try to smile, looking into her eyes, wiping away my tears with my hoodie sleeve.

My fingers softly trace her face. “You are so beautiful... You are the best thing mommy has. ”

I gently grab my daughter's hand with two fingers, “Yes, you are, sweetheart. Yes, you are.”

My daughter keeps nursing from my breast as we share a quiet moment.

I break the silence softly. “Boy, have we been through a lot, you and I? But I would do it all again if I knew the result would be you.”

“Happy birthday, my little Princess.”

60 Days...

 Hello, everyone. I hope you all are doing well. I am getting better and better each day.

 This time has flown by, and I can't believe I have been out of his grip for 60 days.

That's not to say that it has not been challenging; it has, but not as hard as I thought it would be, not as hard as the other times when I have fallen back into his grip. 90% of that is because of the powerful saying that came into my head one night. I have spoken about it plenty of times before, but having that moment of absolute clarity was so powerful.

“Take them back!

No, seriously. Take them back until you get tired of taking them back; then, it won't be so hard to let them go.”

When this saying came into my head, it was like a light switch that came on, and I just said to myself,” What the fuck am I doing? I would never let anybody else treat me this way, so why have I given this man three years of my life? Why have I given this man so much of myself when I know deep down that he doesn't fucking deserve it?”

This was the moment I stopped grieving, longing, and wanting him.

I can't describe the moment in another way, but it was so powerful that I felt like I had forced myself back from him.

I catch myself thinking about him sometimes. Not too long ago, I saw him in a store ad, and I was a bit taken aback because, knowing that I had blocked him in any way I could, I was not prepared to see him that way.

I felt nauseous. I didn't want to unfollow the creator he did the store ad with, so I turned to a few friends to speak to them about how I felt. That was also the day I realized that the people whom I saw as my friends, Were not my friends in the end, which is sad, but I am currently in my” I don't give a flying fuck about what people think of me” mood. I was talking to a now former friend of mine, and this person knows what my ex put me through in great detail; what this person came back to me said after I wrote to them about what happened cost me to take a step back and realize the people you think will be there for you when you need them most likely won't be.

I won't explain what this person said, but we are no longer friends. I blocked this person.

A long-time friend who has been by my side has taught me not to give so many chances to People.

If you feel that people are doing wrong to you, there is no reason to keep them in your life.

Most days, I have had to get used to being alone in Second Life. I clearly remember one day when I was logged in for 15 1/2 hours with nobody saying a single word to me. I have had weeks where Second Life has been this way for me, but they happen way more frequently now. Like I said, it has been something I have had to get used to, unfortunately, but it is what it is, and you have to keep going.

Luckily, I have my beautiful daughter to keep me busy. One of my absolute favorite moments with her is when she is nursing. It is at that time that I feel very close to her. I can just sit with her and stroke her face and body while she is nursing from my breast, and I have noticed that this is also a time when I reflect profoundly on things that matter to me.

I don't know if people will think this is weird of me, but I took a small video of myself breastfeeding my daughter; the sounds she makes are also very soothing to me, at least.

Being able to breastfeed my daughter is a big part of the reason why I have not transitioned her into a toddler yet, even though she's nine months old; if I do transition her into a toddler, I won't be able to breastfeed her.

So, I am holding off on that decision for as long as possible.

During this time, I have also noticed that as soon as I try to tell people my story regarding what happened with me and my ex, people suddenly start backing away from me, running in the other direction, or completely ghosting me.

It's pretty funny, but at the same time, it's not. People seem to be trying to ghost me gently, but they don't understand that I can pick up on everything, and I mean every little thing. I can pick up on changes in behavior. Changes in how they type and speak, all of a sudden, go from being hot and heavy into conversations with me to being cold and not even responding to what I'm saying to them. I can pick up on every little thing, and even their energy shifts towards me, and in the milliseconds, they change their mind about me. I feel it.

I hope that second life gives me brighter days soon, and I hope I meet that one person who just can't keep his hands off me and craves me as much as I crave him.

/Tessa

Hey everyone!

 Hello everyone, this is Tessa.

I wanted to write a blog post today, but I am still determining whether it will be long or short. I want to get back into the swing of things and start posting more semi-regularly.

It has been about 2 1/2 2-3 weeks since I left the relationship I had for three years, and I can genuinely say that this time, it's over because I have found myself being happier and more content than I had been for the three years I was with him. I feel like something has just lifted off my shoulders, and I can breathe again.

I tried my very hardest with this relationship. I gave it all I had, and now, looking back on it, I should have stopped after the first time you broke up.

Something else I'm excited about has happened, but I still need to be ready to talk about that. I can give you a little hint: it involves butterflies in my stomach.

These past weeks, I have focused on the fact that I am not on a leash; emotionally and physiologically, it is hard, but I'm starting to come out on the other end of this.

Did I tell you guys about my becoming a book girl? So far, the topics in my books are highly adult-rated, and reading books like that is so liberating and therapeutic.

I am currently on my second book of about 30, but I will slowly get through them one by one, and then I will buy new ones.

I have also thought about doing a new erotic story on my erotic, but the story in my head has not fully formed yet, so I don't want to put it down on paper.

I spent the morning just chilling with someone very close to me. We had some breakfast, and then we watched a movie on the wonderful hivid TV system that Second Life has.

My little munchkin woke up early today, so I breastfed her and prepared her for the day. He seemed to want to be extra close to me today. She is lying in her baby chair by the side of me as I'm writing this, which I enjoy very profoundly. The cute little sounds he makes as she wakes up or when she is just content are some of the best sounds to this day.

She can sometimes be a little impatient, especially when I'm trying to do my makeup. It is not that I wear makeup alone, but little touches of mascara and some blush are all I feel that my face needs at the moment; however, there's no telling how many creams and foundations I will get as the years go by. (That line right there made me feel so old:D)

I hope you all are doing well and that you are enjoying whatever life throws at you.

 If you are going through a hard time, remember that your life Is precisely yours. Do whatever you say your mind to and whatever you must do to feel better to get through this because I know that you can get through it no matter how dark it is.

/Tessa

I'm still here

  Hi everyone, Tessa, I know it's been a long time. I am here now, so let's get right into it.

In my last blog post, I shared with you the incredible surge of positivity that has transformed my life in ways I never thought possible. My life is moving at a thrilling pace, and I'm savoring every moment.

As for my second life, it's a whole different story.

My love life, everything that that entails pretty much been shit.

I tried getting back with my daughter's father, but we all know the story of that by now; it was good for a little bit, but then it became shit again.

I swear my connection with this person has felt like a never-ending carousel, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, and the constant feeling of being in motion but getting nowhere.

It has been back and forth for three years, and I am very much to blame for it because it was amazing when it was good with him. A few days ago, something finally made me realize it was better for me to be alone now. Hopefully, that will change, but I am not in a hurry. I am dizzy from being on a carousel for the past three years.

I have pretty much gotten used to being logged into Second Life and having it on in the background. I do other things because nothing is exciting going on in Second Life at the moment for me. I am hoping that will change.

I have also noticed that the number of people active in Second Life has gone down dramatically these past couple of months. People are finding that going out into the world is better than being stuck at home in front of a computer connected to virtual reality.

With Second Life being so quiet right now, I have actually taken up a new hobby—a hobby that I never thought I would be interested in, but then again, I am a writer, so it's not that far of a jump.

I have taken up reading books, and I mean physical copies, because I'm not going to do the digital reading thing if I'm going to read anything.

I'm reading This particular category of books; it is books with highly sexual content. As I am hoping a few of my readers know by now, I am hypersexual, so books with highly sexual content are right up my alley. I can tell you right now that I regret not getting into this hobby sooner because the amount of ideas and dirty fantasies for my erotic writing is “holy mother of God” type of amount and things.

Speaking of sexual content, I have been working on a new erotic story, so keep an eye out for that!

Motherhood is incredible! My daughter is eight months old now. It's wild to me that time has gone by so fast!

Every moment with her is filled with absolute joy, and I feel an indescribable connection to her that I never knew was possible.

I feel very strongly about being a mother in my second life. Maybe it's because I have chosen not to have kids in my first life. It's not that I don't want them; it's quite the opposite, but I have chosen not to be selfish. My first-life husband's health comes before having a baby. That is all that I am going to say about that.

To do a little summary of everything;

my first life is moving positively in the right direction that I wanted to go.

My second life is very slow, sluggish, and dull at times, But I am still along for the ride.

I hope that you, as my reader, are still along for the ride as well, although the blog posts are few and far between.

/Tessa

♥Where Have I been?♥

 A lot has happened since we last spoke, and there are many things I'm still trying to wrap my mind around because my life has suddenly done a complete 180 in the positive direction. I mean, not in a slow way; it skyrocketed into the positive of everything in my life.

I have chosen not to speak about a few things until this point because they initially felt surreal like they weren't true even though they were. It's hard to explain, but I hope that you get what I mean.

In December of 2023, A very close family member passed away. The person passed away from a massive heart attack. Most of my readers don't know this, but I can feel energies and see stuff that is going to happen or has happened. I can go into details about that sometime if that is possible. So, I think it was the week before Christmas I slowly started to feel like something was going to happen within my family, and I had to start seeing signs of this possibly manifesting itself. I woke up one day, and this close family member was missing to the point where a friend of this family member reached out to my family. After a brief discussion, it was decided that the friend of this family would go over and check on this person because he was closer than we were traveling.

The friend of this family member later called and said that it looked very suspicious, and we all decided that it was time to call the police, so we ended the excruciating 3-hour wait. After three hours of not getting a phone call back, we as the family took it upon ourselves to call the police station the man that took our call was very charity until he saw the police report he said that he would call the petrol that had been at the house and that they would contact us. When the person said this, we, as a family, knew what would come, but we waited longer, and about one hour later, the patrol car drove up to our house. I can genuinely say that I have never felt so in shock, and seeing the car pull up like that, it was going in slow motion as the cops exited the vehicle. We all knew what this meant.

The cops were very polite and soft-spoken with all of us. As soon as they came into our house, they said, “There's no easy way to say this, but the person has been around deceased.” I think it took me about four or five seconds to understand what the cops had just said, and my second thought was something personal that I didn't want to bring up on the Internet.

Of course, I cried but didn't cry because I felt sorrow. I cried because I felt incredibly guilty and still do every day. I think I feel guilty because I couldn't possibly do anything to save this person.

The legal proceedings started almost right away, and we as a family cleared this family member's house; upon doing that, we realized that something had been very, very wrong with this person because the house that we stepped into did not reflect this person whatsoever I would say a few days passed by if we went through this person's belongings we started to see the vast amounts of money this person had left my husband. Not only was it a shock for us that this person was no longer with us, but it was also a huge shock seeing the amount of money.

Not to mention the slow but steady realization that we were now multimillionaires because of this person's passing, my husband and I were afraid to think about the possibility of being multimillionaires in case the papers did not show the actual numbers.

But about three weeks later, my husband received papers showing the substantial amount of money this family member had left us; we were indeed multimillionaires.

I struggle with the fact that somebody has passed away, and because of that, I become a multimillionaire. I struggle with that so much.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but is it normal to feel this way? Right now, I don't know how to deal with these feelings. If I could put all these feelings into one word, it would be guilt. I don't know how else to explain it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, on to some lighter stuff:

My second life daughter just turned five months old, which is wild. It feels like I gave birth to her yesterday.

I started staging her a couple of days ago, so now she can do more stuff, like roll around and lift her head, and it's so cute to see her doing that in the country where I live. We have just started going into warmer summer weather, and it's just incredible.

Not only is my second-life daughter five months old, but she turned five months old just a few days before my second-life birthday, which is on the 20th of May.

Fourteen years of steady Second Life are just wild to me. I say steady, but it's been a rollercoaster for me, both good and evil and even horrible sometimes. Yesterday, while my daughter was napping, I spent a little time updating my wish list on the marketplace of Second Life, so I will leave a link to my wish list below for those I feel generous.

 to my wish list 

Of course, I must also plop in a few photos of my daughter using her new bouncer seat. I must say that the Zooby Baby company in Second Life is currently coming up with awesome things for newborns and babies, whereas before, I felt that Zooby Babies and the creator behind it did not release anything new and exciting for the babies or newborns for months and months even years but now I am happy that I got pregnant when I did because it seems that that community, in particular, is on an upswing again.

If you have made it this far, thank you for being one of my readers and sticking by me until next time. Stay wonderful.

/Tessa

♥Three months ago….♥

 

Today, you came into the world kicking and screaming, And it seemed like you didn't want to leave the comforts of my belly even though my contractions had started early the day before. I felt like I was prepared even though I felt unprepared at the same time.

Oddly enough, you came into the world at the right time and moment.

My life was a complete mess. I had no sense of stability. Before your arrival, I had people who didn't deserve to be even remotely close to me. I realized that now.

I was only 30 weeks pregnant with you when the contractions started. I was home alone. Earlier in the week, I decided to cut people out of my life because all they did was bring me down and confuse me. I was very close to letting my emotions get the best of me and reaching out to someone who had no business being in my life in the first place.

I walked around my house, looking through my contacts, seeing if I could get a hold of someone. In that moment, I have never felt more alone.

Then, I remembered a friend I had lost contact with due to many circumstances. I looked up the "phone number" and stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity before I started typing. I was unsure what to say to this person and didn't remember what I said.

I sent a text, and barely five minutes passed before he responded, "I can try to help you as much as I can; call me."

I had to read the message repeatedly to ensure I was reading correctly. My eyes kept fixating on the words "call me," I thought to myself. "Even though he had not been in my life for ages, he didn't hesitate to answer me." My thoughts left me stunned for a moment.

Nervously, I hit the "call" Button. The phone rang three times before he picked it up and said, "Talk to me." When he said that, tears started rolling down my face. I started with a shaky "Hi, how are you?"

What transpired over the next 14 hours I hardly can put into words. I know that during those 14 hours, I started to pick myself up piece by piece, pieces that I never thought I could put back again.

I felt like I was going through so much more than just labor; I felt like I was healing myself from the inside out, from the humming, through the rocking back and forth, through the closeness, and the screaming and panting. I think I was screaming out More than just labor pains; I was screaming for my freedom and for me to take back myself from the person who turned me into someone I didn't recognize into someone I didn't want to be.

When I finally held you in my arms, and the new chapter of motherhood began, I knew I had experienced something powerful within myself.

Being an independent mother is lonely even in a second life, but I refuse to see this type of independence as a weakness. Of course, my biggest dream within second life is to find that person who comes home, walks through the house into my daughter's bedroom, sees me breastfeeding, leans his arm against the door frame, and smiles at me as he says, "Hi, beautiful. I missed you, both of you."

I don't know if the person will ever come into my life. I hope and pray that he will someday, but until then, I am perfectly happy with being an independent mother to one of the most beautiful girls the world has ever seen. Happy three-month birthday, my Princess.

My labor and delivery

 

 

 

 

♥Thank you!♥

 

Hello everyone, it's me, Tessa. I hope you all are doing well. I am getting more and more back to myself, which is lovely. I still have some hurdles to overcome and get past, but I am getting there.

Yesterday was my favorite time of year, which is Valentine's Day. Many of you know that my first-life husband and I don't go out of our way to celebrate anything except our wedding anniversary.

When showing love for one another, why does it need to be a specific day you go all out? Why can't it be every day?

 (I do say first-life husband because I don't see the difference between second life and what most people call real life. They are both real lives to me.)

Regarding Valentine's Day, for me, especially within Second Life, I love the colors, the romantic feel, the roses, the hearts, the teddy bears, and so on.

Even in my first life, my husband has told some friends, "My wife becomes like a little kid again when she sees all the roses and balloons, not to mention the teddy bears! When I saw her reaction to a teddy bear and roses, I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

Yes, the comment made me cry.

Something about Valentine's Day has me all giddy and dorky inside. Because creators within Second Life usually go all out with decorations and gifts, it becomes 110% more intense.

Because of what I have been through in Second Life these past couple of years, I didn't expect anything from anyone because I lost so many friends and play partners due to my choices back then. I had yet to have the expectations of getting anything from anyone.

So I started my day by getting the tiny love of my life out of her bed when she needed feeding and a diaper change. It was a very special day, except it was Valentine's Day, and my daughter turned two months old. Time flies by, and I want to hit the "slow motion button."

She is the one thing that keeps me going on the ground through dark times. Yes, I know she's not real, but I choose not to think or see it that way, and it's my choice.

When I breastfeed her, I tend to go into my deep thoughts by spending some quiet time with her. I reflect a lot during that time and got my thoughts in order.

Second life has changed a lot for me. I don't know if it's because of the things that I've been through or if the world is evolving, but it feels strange to me sometimes, and as I've said, I can't put my finger on why it feels odd to me I guess I was isolated for so long that I didn't think much of it until now.

I find myself thinking back to the time before all the shit went down, how outgoing, how's openly provocatively sexual I was, the play partners I had, how close I was to some of them, and so on.

As I was sitting there feeding my daughter, I decided to go into my inventory, and by accident, I clicked on the recent tab, and the received items folder was Showing. I thought, wait a minute, I haven't bought anything? I opened the folder, and a lingerie was set in there. I softly started to smile even though I was baffled, so I opened my e-mail because every time I buy something from the marketplace or receive something, I get an e-mail about it.

A very long-term partner of mine had bought me a gift with the words.

"Because you are sexy without even trying and deserve it!"

When I saw that, I became very emotional because he is probably the only person who knows the depth of what I've been through and what it has done to me physiologically and even physically.

I cried a little, and then I decided to try the lingerie on. I must admit it is not a color I would have picked for myself, but to my surprise, it looked good on me, showing how well he knows me.

At this time, he was not online, so I decided to show him a picture when he came online again instead of writing him a message.

Of course, I will show the picture here because some curious eyes are out there that do not necessarily have access to my Flickr account, so here you go.

I never thought I would get into taking pictures again, but it feels like I have been rolling out the pictures like a conveyor belt these past couple of days, so that's another sign that I am returning to myself again.

Among other things, I received flowers and even a vanilla chocolate Dick that had me beaming and laughing at the same time because I knew that this person would pick that from my wish list, if anything.

I am so eternally grateful for everyone who went out of their way to think of me and get me the gift. Having each of you in my life makes my day a little bit brighter.

There has been a request to take a picture of All the gifts I have gotten surrounding me. I am still determining how  I am going to do it, but the picture will be up in the near future.

I'm going to be a bit of a brat and say that if you want to get me something, you can find my wish list on the right side of the page, and I will also link it here.

until next time ♥ /Tessa

She is 35 days old already!

Hi everyone, it's Tessa. I hope you all are doing fantastic. I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while. You know how it goes by now.

As I played with my daughter on the floor today, I realized she was already 35 days old. Where has time gone?

This will be a baby update and a brain dump, so get ready.

I have been through a lot these past months, days, weeks, whatever you want to say. Still, I also have found that I have grown a lot as a person, and I am finally starting to feel like I'm getting back to my “old self” again, which feels lovely but also scary at the same time because I have not had this freedom for so long, Dad. I don't know what to do with it. I am so used to being unable to do what I want in second life because it didn't please this person.

Before I continue, I want to clarify that I am not talking about my first life relationship with my husband.  Our relationship is tremendously solid and will not break for anything.

So let's continue….

Even though I am so incredibly happy to have my freedom back to do what I want to be creative to be my naughty self again, I am terrified and nervous. I am constantly thinking about what if I heard this person's feelings or if I said something stupid to this person.

I know that this mindset is due to the psychological and emotional abuse that was put on me for about two years straight, and I know that the scars I have emotionally will probably never go away. You might think this is crazy, but until you have been in their position, I was, please don't judge me.

Some days, I feel fine and back to some version of myself again, but then some days, I withdraw back to being home alone, not talking to anyone, and mostly just standing around.

What's crazy is that I want to reach out to him again, but of course, I stopped myself because my freedom now is 10,000 times better than I had when I was with him. Don't get me wrong, most days with him were wonderful, but then there were those days that have scarred me forever.

I couldn't see it back then, but those wonderful days were his love-bombing me to return to his old ways again a few days later.

Moving forward, I've started making new and wonderful connections that I never thought I would have again, and it feels terrific.

A few days ago, another blast from a very recent past decided to come back into my life again and to be honest; I've had a tough time trying to forget this person and move on just because of how things ended.

By the end of it all, I was more confused as to why this person even had reached out to me again because this person didn't make any sense whatsoever. The only thing I became very clear on was that I didn't want this person anymore. The drama that comes with this person is something I don't want. After that day, it was like, “Yeah, I'm done with you.” This person did not look like they did when I first met them. It was a shock for me, not in a good way.

One of my very close friends had to come over to try and help me make sense of what this person was trying to accomplish by reaching back out to me.

While telling my friend what had gone down, he had as many questions as I did regarding the situation.

The one thing that has been constant in my life is my daughter Sofia. I take care of her every day and feel like a mother. It's the most beautiful feeling you could ever feel. Being a mother is one of the biggest dreams I have had in life, and coming to terms with the fact that I will never be a mother in my first life has been very hard, so to be able to experience motherhood in second life has genuinely helped me More than I can say with words I know she's not real but to be honest with you the more advanced the Zobby babies get, the more real she becomes to me.

My daughter is my everything; my daughter brings out something within me that I never talked about that I could experience, and for that, she is very accurate also.

I can't explain how having a baby in my second life has impacted me positively.

For all the men out there who think that if they are interested in me, they would have to take on a baby, you're mistaken. My daughter is my responsibility; she is mine, and I wouldn't push her on to anyone.

While we are on the topic of potential relationships, I have found it very hard to find people who connect with me on a mature, intelligent level; when I go to certain places in second life, I get hit on yes, but most of the time, it's not even flattering or intriguing for me I feel like “Meh”…. Before I continue I want to say this is my personal opinion so don't come after me.

I feel like most of the men in Second I've forgotten how to talk to a woman in a respectful, polite manner before jumping into the bedroom. I mean, they would never go up to a woman who is a stranger and say, “Ohh can I fuck you today, baby?”

When I see IMs like that, I don't even respond.

Peak my fucking interest! It makes me want to get to know you. It makes me want to lie down in bed with you.

Second, life is and will always be a virtual reality. Finding love or love connections would be much easier if people stopped trying so hard to be something other than themselves.

One thing with me that's never going to change is how I view second life. As I said, my second life is a virtual reality, and I will always 100% be myself. I will not role-play; I will not “play someone.” I'm not. Who I am in my second life does not differ one bit from who I am in my first life; the only different thing is the fact that I am walking in my second life; in real life, I'm using a word chair that's all there is even how I look in second life it might not be 100% accurate. Still, if I don't “see” myself in the way I look, I won't stop perfecting myself until I do.

I have said this for many years: second life is not a game. It's a reality.

The sooner people realize that the sooner people will see second life from a different perspective and maybe just maybe be a little bit more open to 2 possibilities and feelings.

/ Tessa                                                

who knew?

 

Hello everyone, it's Tessa here.

I hope you all are doing well. I am doing fantastic, thank you.

I wanted to come here and do a quick brain dump to get my thoughts in order and talk about this little cutie you see here.

As always, I don't know where to start when it comes to a brain-dumping post, but I will try my best to start somewhere.

So, my daughter was born on the 14th of December, 2023, after 14 long hours of Labor. No, that is not a number; I'm just making up. I was in Labor for 14 hours but with some sleep in between. It has been my absolute joy since she came into the world.

To be able to be a mother in second life is something very, very deep for me. It's beyond anything I could ever have imagined feeling. I know that she's not real, but the feelings I have is something I can't even begin to describe to people. I don't expect everyone in Second Life to share my thoughts and opinions and see Second Life the way I see it. Still, the reason I started this whole blog, to begin with, was to be unique and authentic and show people that it's OK to get emotionally and sometimes physically invested in someone or something. Yes, I have been pregnant before in second life, but it had been a long, long time since I was able to go almost full term and have a baby to hold in my arms in the end.

Like I said, I know she's not real, but this is as close as I am ever going to experience what it's like to be a mother, so for me, she's real.

Every time she wakes up for a feeding or a diaper change, or when she wants her mommy, it's not a chore for me. It's an honor and something I take very, very seriously. I have chosen to surround myself with people who understand me and understand why I see second life realistically. Every time I get to do something for my daughter, it's an honor because I know I can't do this without second life.

Every morning, I wake up to her sounds. Are you going to her room? I talk to my daughter because, as I said, this is real to me, and everyone around me knows this.

Sure, there have been times in my second life when I felt like I was the odd man out because I was realizing in one way or another that I was seeing things very differently from how others were seeing it. And in the end, I have backed off or changed my opinion to not feel like the odd man out. Still, I can help the police report that that won't be happening ever again. This is me. This is how I do it; if you don't like it or you think I'm weird for doing it a certain way, I don't need you in my life if there's one thing I have learned through my pregnancy and also through something that has happened to me in second life not too long ago is that you have to surround yourself with people that will bring you the fuck up. Not bring you the fuck down.

 

As I was in Labor, I had a lot of time to reflect and feel my emotions with each passing moment; I could feel myself going back to being my core self again; my mind was very clear and calm, and I felt like saying to the world, "if you don't understand me as a person that's OK if you don't know how I see things that's OK if you don't understand me and where I come from that's OK too but I don't need you in my life."

Why would I have people in my life who're just going to turn around and stab me in the back? And to be honest with you, it's not the backstabbing that hurts. It's when you turn around and see the person holding the knife.

So settling for second best or second place or second place anything is now over, and that goes for every single aspect of my second life And real life for that matter, but in real life, I have never settled for second best anyway.

Every time I look into my daughter's eyes, I get reminded that no matter how much shit people try to throw at me, how much shit people try to drag me through, no matter how many packs of stabbings I get, I always have to stand the fuck up and move on.

Who knew that such a little thing, such a beautiful girl, could bring me back the peace and confidence I needed?

Who knew that my daughter would become the most important thing I have ever done and ever will do in second life?

Most people reading this blog post won't or can't relate to my topic. Still, when I tell you that this experience has changed my life, I really mean it, and I genuinely hope that a few people out there can relate to this blog post and see it from my eyes.

It's true what they say once you become a parent, it truly changes you for the better, no matter what you have been through.

/Tessa

Motherhood so far.

 Hello everyone. I am exhausted but delighted and content Tessa here.

The Blackwood household had a very early start to our morning with a baby girl waking up around three times a night so far; I know I shouldn't complain because I know that there are babies out there that refuse to sleep all through the night, so I am very appreciative that my baby girl only wakes up three times a night so far.

I am still trying to get to know my daughter. I know that sounds strange because I had her in my tummy for around eight months. But what I have learned so far is that from the day she was born, I had to get to know her all over again and listen to her sounds and realize that not every time that she makes a sound or cries is a time when she desperately needs me sometimes she babbles away being very content, so I have to tell my mother instinct that "she is fine just give it a few moments before rushing over there."

I woke up to her making lovely sounds on my baby monitor. Still, soon after the sweet sounds, she started to cry, which is a beautiful sound by itself, so I got up. I fixed my hair before entering her bedroom, told her good morning, picked her up, and walked around before settling into my breastfeeding chair. I usually breastfeed her for about 1 1/2 hours each time she needs to feed. During that time, I felt the closest to my daughter; I stroked her face and whispered, making her feel calm.

After I breastfeed her, I change her diaper, and with a hot, soapy washcloth, I make sure to gently wipe her face because if she is going to turn out anything like me, I know for a fact that she does not like Her eyes being a little bit clogged with what I call tired ice.

After I changed her diaper and wiped her face, it was time for a quick bath. I discovered that my daughter does not like water, which is not precisely body temperature. I don't know if that's a newborn thing or just her thing, but yeah.

After we both got ready for the day, I decided to take her out for the first time. Boy, was that an experience. People didn't say anything to me straight out, but we could feel them looking and smiling, and of course, some people were annoyed by the fact that there was a crying baby in a store.

I tried to finish my shopping as quickly as possible because she was not settling down and being happy in her car seat, so I had to do the "new Mama sprint" all over. When we got home, I quickly got her out of the car seat and changed her into a onesie And socks, which seemed to be the outfit she was most comfortable in now.

I took her downstairs and put her in her mamaroo in front of our TV to see how She would react. At first, she had this look on her face like, "Ummm. Mommy, what is this thing?" Of course, I just smiled and strapped her in. As soon as I turned on the mobile above her head, she became very content and relaxed, which pleased me because I could have some time to myself but still be with her.

While I was out on the town, a package arrived. Yeah, I looked in my inventory, and one of my friends, whom I have known for years and years and years, bought me a breast pump. Yes, there is such a thing in second life. I jumped for joy because about 24 hours earlier, I had contemplated buying it myself but held off on it.

When my daughter was happy and content with her Mamaroo, I decided to turn on the TV and watch the cartooned motion of Beauty and the Beast to see how my daughter would react to sounds and music.

Just before I turned on the TV, she was a little fussy trying to find her place even though she was content, but as soon as I turned on the TV, she calmed right down and just started to hang out.

I decided to be on the sofa and pump my breast milk even though I breastfeed her, I just wanted to know what it felt like, and I know for a fact that my breasts produce a lot of milk, so I thought to myself, it can't hurt to pump out a little to give my breasts a little bit of the break.

So my daughter and I happily watched Beauty and the Beast, hanging out and enjoying our time together, being very peaceful.

I don't know if this is realistic, but I did pump my left breast for about an hour and then my right breast for about an hour.

This breast pump is fantastic because it has realistic sound and everything, and I love it when something is interactive and has natural sounds.

There's one thing I do with this breast pump; as far as sizing goes, I don't think it's very realistic, so I would rather have it a bit smaller than what it is, but it's a beautiful product nonetheless.

As the movie ended, I was amazed that she was still awake. I left the movie running because it had a beautiful song at the end; when the music was over, I looked over, and she had fallen asleep calmly. Every time I look at her, I still can't believe that I was a part of growing her, and now that she's here, I can't take my eyes off her.

 

As of right now, she is still sleeping. That's why I can take this little time to myself and blog. Motherhood in Second Life is one of the most rewarding and uplifting experiences I have had in second. Life, if you haven't entirely understood it yet, I will repeat it: second life is not about role play for me; it's not a game to me; it's a virtual reality, so everything I do is taking life it's real to me it's not just play however I do respect people that do you see this as a game or a role-playing thing but for me it will never be a game or a role-playing thing.

/Tessa