who knew?

 

Hello everyone, it's Tessa here.

I hope you all are doing well. I am doing fantastic, thank you.

I wanted to come here and do a quick brain dump to get my thoughts in order and talk about this little cutie you see here.

As always, I don't know where to start when it comes to a brain-dumping post, but I will try my best to start somewhere.

So, my daughter was born on the 14th of December, 2023, after 14 long hours of Labor. No, that is not a number; I'm just making up. I was in Labor for 14 hours but with some sleep in between. It has been my absolute joy since she came into the world.

To be able to be a mother in second life is something very, very deep for me. It's beyond anything I could ever have imagined feeling. I know that she's not real, but the feelings I have is something I can't even begin to describe to people. I don't expect everyone in Second Life to share my thoughts and opinions and see Second Life the way I see it. Still, the reason I started this whole blog, to begin with, was to be unique and authentic and show people that it's OK to get emotionally and sometimes physically invested in someone or something. Yes, I have been pregnant before in second life, but it had been a long, long time since I was able to go almost full term and have a baby to hold in my arms in the end.

Like I said, I know she's not real, but this is as close as I am ever going to experience what it's like to be a mother, so for me, she's real.

Every time she wakes up for a feeding or a diaper change, or when she wants her mommy, it's not a chore for me. It's an honor and something I take very, very seriously. I have chosen to surround myself with people who understand me and understand why I see second life realistically. Every time I get to do something for my daughter, it's an honor because I know I can't do this without second life.

Every morning, I wake up to her sounds. Are you going to her room? I talk to my daughter because, as I said, this is real to me, and everyone around me knows this.

Sure, there have been times in my second life when I felt like I was the odd man out because I was realizing in one way or another that I was seeing things very differently from how others were seeing it. And in the end, I have backed off or changed my opinion to not feel like the odd man out. Still, I can help the police report that that won't be happening ever again. This is me. This is how I do it; if you don't like it or you think I'm weird for doing it a certain way, I don't need you in my life if there's one thing I have learned through my pregnancy and also through something that has happened to me in second life not too long ago is that you have to surround yourself with people that will bring you the fuck up. Not bring you the fuck down.

 

As I was in Labor, I had a lot of time to reflect and feel my emotions with each passing moment; I could feel myself going back to being my core self again; my mind was very clear and calm, and I felt like saying to the world, "if you don't understand me as a person that's OK if you don't know how I see things that's OK if you don't understand me and where I come from that's OK too but I don't need you in my life."

Why would I have people in my life who're just going to turn around and stab me in the back? And to be honest with you, it's not the backstabbing that hurts. It's when you turn around and see the person holding the knife.

So settling for second best or second place or second place anything is now over, and that goes for every single aspect of my second life And real life for that matter, but in real life, I have never settled for second best anyway.

Every time I look into my daughter's eyes, I get reminded that no matter how much shit people try to throw at me, how much shit people try to drag me through, no matter how many packs of stabbings I get, I always have to stand the fuck up and move on.

Who knew that such a little thing, such a beautiful girl, could bring me back the peace and confidence I needed?

Who knew that my daughter would become the most important thing I have ever done and ever will do in second life?

Most people reading this blog post won't or can't relate to my topic. Still, when I tell you that this experience has changed my life, I really mean it, and I genuinely hope that a few people out there can relate to this blog post and see it from my eyes.

It's true what they say once you become a parent, it truly changes you for the better, no matter what you have been through.

/Tessa