🌺 computer tips for Second life.🌺

 Hello everyone!

I was going to make a blog post about International Women's Day yesterday, but my computer had a complete meltdown, and I ended up having to reinstall the whole thing!

So I ended up spending most of my night and into the morning to get everything I had up and running again.

A few days before this, my Ultra HD 4K computer monitor decided to die, so Needless to say, I was a bit tired and annoyed yesterday.

But I screamed out my frustrations, and I fought my way through it!

I even had two days of 1920x1080 resolution, which is something I never ever want to experience again.

A family friend helped me order a new Ultra HD 4K monitor. You know who you are, and I know you are reading this thank you from the bottom of my heart.

However, that monitor has not yet arrived, but my Superman of a real-life husband fixed my broken Ultra HD 4K monitor!

But he also said that it was good that a new one is coming because the one I'm using is really on its last leg, so I am hoping and praying this monitor will be alive until I can get my hands on the new one.

Two days of 1920x 1080 resolution was a very humbling experience, I must say, because it made me appreciate what I have to be able to see SecondLife as beautiful as it is. I am not bragging in any shape or form; I understand that many people can't afford the high-end stuff that second life actually needs to be visually stunning and work smoothly at the same time.

I am very fortunate to be in second life and use shadows, depth of field, and all the bling second life actually has.

I used the Black dragon as my everyday viewer for 2 years straight for up to 70 hours a week.

Black dragon is considered the daddy of all second-life viewers. Most people use the black dragon as their photography viewer, So when they go to take a picture, they switch to the black dragon viewer. To each their own, but because I am a photographer who takes photos at the moment, I don't want to change to another view word because I want to take a picture. 

I switched back to firestorm because I realized that firestorm had developed into a photography/everyday viewer. I quickly realized that it wasn't second life's fault when it came down to graphics, shadows, ambient occlusion, and all of that; it was down to my computer; my computer simply was not up to par with the stuff you actually need to make second life visually stunning.

I have learned this over the years, but people don't understand that second life is a hefty virtual platform.

I used to struggle so much with the frame rates it was crazy. Most people don't know this, but second life renders over the Internet cable instead of inside the actual computer. Therefore, it's hard to get really high frame rates from what I understand.

So what I finally did after so many years of struggling was buy a new computer first of all. My husband actually built it for me from scratch, but I also did buy a new graphics card and memory, resulting in a 30-40-80 in frame rate with all the bells and whistles on. I never drop below 30 or even 20.

I have also discovered that if you are up in the sky in a skybox, your frame rate will increase automatically because there's not so much that the Internet cable has to render when you are up in the sky.

The really critical point is making sure your graphics card has enough graphic memory to render textures and shadows.

Every new place you go second life has to repeatedly render all of the objects and your surroundings. If it doesn't have enough graphic card memory to do so, it won't be able to generate everything white shadows and everything like that turned on because your frame rate will plummet to the point where you can't even move if you don't have enough graphic card memory.

I am just speaking from my personal experience and the considerable improvement when I upgraded my graphics card and computer.

So don't take my words as gold when it comes to this. I'm speaking purely from my heart, taking bits and pieces of information I have been able to gather throughout my 12 years in second life, but again I could be wrong on some of the stuff I'm saying.

I know that some of you are dying to know my computer specifications, so here we go:

CPU: Intel(R) Core(TM) i9-10850K CPU @ 3.60GHz (3599.99 MHz)

Memory: 32657 MB

Concurrency: 20

OS Version: Microsoft Windows 10 64-bit (Build 19044.1586)

Graphics Card Vendor: NVIDIA Corporation

Graphics Card: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2060/PCIe/SSE2

Graphics Card Memory: 6144 MB

Windows Graphics Driver Version: 30.0.15.1179

OpenGL Version: 4.6.0 NVIDIA 511.79

Viewer settings

Settings mode: Firestorm

Viewer Skin: AnsaStorm (Bright Blue)

Window size: 3840x2050 px

Font Used: Deja Vu (96 dpi)

Font Size Adjustment: 1.3 pt

UI Scaling: 0.95

Draw distance: 128 m

Bandwidth: 3000 kbit/s

LOD factor: 2

Render quality: High-Ultra (6/7)

Advanced Lighting Model: Yes

Texture memory: 2048 MB (1)

Disk cache: Max size 2048.0 MB (35.4% used)

Built with MSVC version 1916

Packets Lost: 4/142 189 (0,0%)

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I can walk around taking life and enjoy the scenery and take in the beautiful second life the way it deserves to be looked at. Now again, I fully understand that many people can't afford this high-end stuff, and I am not bragging; I am simply giving advice on what has helped me enjoy second life 100% more than I ever did before.

♥ Orgasms - My way♥

 

This is a warning if you are uncomfortable with sexually explicit images or GIFS. I advise you to not read this post.

If you are uncomfortable seeing orgasms that look kind of violent, I advise you not to read this post.

If you are uncomfortable reading about sex or sexual acts, I advise you not to read this post.

You have been warned.

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So how are we doing today, men and women worldwide?

Get yourself buckled in because this is going to be a slippery one.

 Ever since I made the post about hypersexuality, I have gotten so many questions about orgasms, particularly mine, so I thought since it has been Valentine's Day and all, this would be the perfect opportunity for me to put in this juicy slippery post.

If you have read my post about hypersexuality, you will know that I officially got diagnosed in my early 20s. Still, I really do believe that I have been hypersexual ever since puberty hit. I became sexually active at a late age I was 19, I think. Even before then, I was drawn to the art of a sexual act between two people. I know that sounds very poetic, but I don't know how to describe it.

Being sexual has always been natural because I am a woman like the other women there. The only difference is that I'm not able-bodied. I have had this feeling of being desexualized all my life because I am disabled in my real life.

I still have my desires, And that's something that will never change.

Many people with disabilities will go through life without having one sexual experience because society has given them a label Before they were even young adults.

Specifically remember being the only person in my class in upper secondary school that was sexually active. My classmates Didn't have a clue about anything regarding sex. They didn't even know what virginity was. Because we were disabled, my school didn't think it was essential for us as human beings to have sexual education.

That blew my mind back then and still blows my mind today.

Knowing about sex and sexuality is a fundamental human right, and they took that away from us because we were using wheelchairs and other equipment to get around in life. They didn't see us as human beings, really. They saw the disability first.

I have always been very mature for my age, and back in upper secondary school, I felt I needed to be the lead voice for myself and others who didn't have the confidence or wouldn't dare to speak up. This led me to the principal's office more often than not.

I fought so hard regarding sexuality and sexual education because it was something that I felt so strongly about, and I couldn't understand why they would not let us have this.

I fought so hard that I was again sent to the principal's office because I was talking back to the teachers. My mom was called to my school 2-3 times a week because the school thought she was "misbehaving." 

My mom would always give them the "are you insane look" when they told her what was happening.

She told the principal in her colorful words to fuck off.

So you can imagine that being able to write about sex in the way I do is very important to me because I want to educate people. I want to encourage other people with disabilities to not shy away from sex.

I won't bore you with writing about every single sexual experience I have ever had but what I will do is leave a link to the most romantic, sensual sexual experience I have ever had.

♥The one I can't forget♥

that day and that evening taught me so much about myself, and he taught me so much about sex.

That evening was also when I had my first full-blown orgasm with someone inside me.

It would also be the first time my orgasm would put me on the edge of fainting. My orgasms are so intense that I am in limbo between consciousness and blacking out.

So that first time, I found myself screaming in absolute pleasure but also because I thought something was going horribly wrong.

I was losing control over my entire body. I was shaking so hard I couldn't even breathe. Meanwhile, I could hear him say close to my ear, "it's OK, it's OK, I'm here, hold on, hold on, ride it out!"

He didn't stop penetrating me during my orgasm; if he had, I would have screamed at him to keep going.

Again what you are about to see are GIFS of what an orgasm looks like. They can look violent in nature, so please stop reading if you don't want to see that.

I don't know why my orgasms are this strong. Still, I can vaguely remember reading somewhere that if you have a disability affecting how your body functions overall, the intensity of an orgasm is significantly intensified.

Don't quote me on that, though.

97% of the time, I don't black out completely. I am kind of on the edge of consciousness and fainting, as I've said

But it comes to a certain point where I have to ask whomever I'm with to stop because if I let them continue, the orgasm will become so strong that I will black out.

What happens every time I orgasm, though, is that I lose control of my body completely.

My body convulsions violently and extremely, most of the time. The convolutions stop me from breathing.

The clip above fits my orgasm to 100%

How does my Real-life husband or my second-life partners handle my orgasms?

My real-life husband grabs me really hard in whatever position that we are playing in; in that time, he moans and murmurs, "yes, yes, yes, go go go go for it! I'm here, I'm here, I have you." or something like that to keep me there with him.

He also is counting in his mind how long I don't take a breath, so he will tell me to breathe over and over until I scream my orgasm.

How do I tie this to second life?

Well, when I have sex with someone in second life, I voice if I can, that way, the other person can hear my orgasm and know why I would not be able to respond for a few minutes because of the convulsions that my body goes through

if I can't voice, I simply type out my orgasm and what is happening to my body 10 seconds before the orgasm starts to come on.

Then during my orgasm, I simply try to hit "send," which is NOT EASY.

How do people react?

Very positively, I must say.

My real-life husband tells me that every time I orgasm, it's like having a vibrating sex toy on his dick.

As for the sexual encounters in second life, they react with pure joy because even though we are not physically with each other, you have to understand that sex becomes stronger in a way.

How do they "help me" through my orgasm, and how do they calm me down?

When peaking in my orgasm, they grab me like my real-life husband does

talk, kiss, whisper, hold, and tell me to breathe. Yes, in text or voice.

People don't seem to grasp or don't want to grasp that second life can be so much more if you just let it be so much more.

With my orgasm's being so intense, there is even another aspect to it:

Squirting, Yes, I do Squirt :)

Squirting is the female form of the male's ejaculation. Well, I choose to call it that anyway.

"Squirting

• Fluid is believed to come from the bladder and is excreted by the urethra

• It can involve the release of a larger volume of fluid (up to 10 tablespoons)

• Clear, watery fluid

• Contains urea, creatinine, and uric acid, similar to dilute urine, sometimes with a small amount of prostatic-specific antigen (PSA)."

No, the Gif is over-exaggerated, and it's not water.

I have been known to make a mess multiple times. :)

What is the best with having orgasms like mine?

Well, I can NEVER fake them!

Have I ever faked an orgasm in Second Life?

No.

♥Hypersexuality-the undying desire♥

 I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should do this blog post because it is personal. It can sometimes be seen as a joke or the person not being believed, but I have decided to speak about this since I do talk about everything else on my blog, so why not speak about this, or why shouldn't I speak about this.

This post will stem from real life, but second Life has a big part, so I will usually blend the two.

Let's start:

No, this is not a joke, and I am not making this blog post funny; I'm actually making this blog post so that people can understand how hard this is to live with. In my early 20s, I got diagnosed with something called Hypersexuality. In simple terms, I am more or less turned on 24/7.

When I tell people about this condition, most say, oh, that must be so much fun, but it isn't. I would say it's sexy and fun 85% of the time, and the rest of the time is frustrating and sometimes painful.

My very first orgasm was actually from a car moving. I don't know if you can imagine every slight vibration or movement of the vehicle stimulating you to the point that you orgasm every 10 to 15 minutes. You are orgasming so hard that your husband must turn to the side of the road, shut off the car, and wait.

I can walk past a guy and immediately start thinking about how it would be to have sex with him, how his body looks without clothing, and how he would seduce me. It doesn't matter if I try to not think about it.

I have at least three orgasms before I get out of bed in the morning, or I can't even think straight. If I were to try to hold off on orgasming before getting out of bed, sex would be the only thing I repeat on my mind, and it doesn't matter if I want it or not.

"Hypersexuality is extremely frequent or suddenly increased libido." 

"Nymphomania and satyriasis were previously used for the condition in women and men, respectively."

"Hypersexuality is known to present itself as a symptom in connection to several neurological disorders."

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know I have cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder. 

If you haven't read my three-part series about how my disability affects my body, I highly recommend you read that.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

This will sound crazy, but this is how it is for me. Even food can trigger a sexual fantasy; In other words, it turns me on to the point that that sexual fantasy is the only thing I can think of.

Take chocolate. For example, some chocolates have some kind of cream filling that is white most often, which makes me think of cum and sex.

The sound of somebody whipping up eggs triggers me so on and so forth.

There's a lot of stigma surrounding Hypersexuality because of a lack of information about it. Of course, we have movies that show Hypersexuality as a kink, addiction, or disease. I don't agree with the addiction and disease part at all.

I am not addicted to sex; I just have a massive sex drive, and I don't see it as a disease because I am not dying from it.

How does     SecondLife positively affect my Hypersexuality?

There is no study or information about Hypersexualityy affecting other people in the way I am about to tell you, so I have no research and no proof that this is the case. This is just how I work, I guess.

Second Life has helped me a lot over the years in so many different ways I don't even know where to begin telling that story. But I can tell you that Second Life has positively affected my Hypersexuality because if it wasn't for Second Life, I wouldn't be having this blog, and I wouldn't be writing my erotica.

Me writing my blog in my erotica has helped me to calm down my Hypersexuality in a way. I would say it's like 4% better than before 4% is quite a low number, but I am happy with how I can cope with a lot of the sexual tension and sexual arousal that I have 96% of the day.

Second Life it's very sexual oriented please; that is why it's rated as an adult "game" most of you know that I don't call second Life A "game" Because, in my opinion, second Life is so much more than that, so I called it a virtual world because that is what it is.

 

When I tell people in Second Life I have this condition, most say," oh, that's great. You must have a freakishly amount of sex" I get why people would think that and if I didn't practice self-control, I probably would be having a lot of sex with my husband, but because I practice self-control, we don't have a freakishly amount of sex.

So self-control is a big part of it, but that's also a big part of us not having a lot of sex because my husband doesn't want to have "blue balls."

Comes to Second Life I love having sex; I love everything about it, the closeness, the orgasms, the tension release between two people, everything.

Believe it or not, with the right person, I can easily orgasm 5/6 times without even touching myself, Sometimes even 10 to 11 times.

I don't even have to see the person physically in front of me in Second Life to be able to orgasm. I know this sounds strange to some people, but in Second Life, it's more about what you write to another person than what you do physically if you understand what I mean.

Another thing I have noticed over the years, and I don't know if this has anything to do with my Hypersexuality. Still, The thing is that if a guy in second Life writes to me that he is kissing my neck or something like that, I can actually feel physically what that would feel like. The same goes for anything sexual in Second Life; I can feel it. 

So far, in my 11 1/2 years in Second Life, I have only met one other person that has Hypersexuality. This person is a male, but I am curious to know how many people actually have Hypersexuality. But they just think they have a high sex drive when they could have this condition.

This person I have met really gets me and can say I know what you're going through without lying because he is the same way.

Like I've said before, there is a lot of stigma surrounding Hypersexuality, so many people don't talk about it. I suspect it would be interesting to see how many people would have the criteria for Hypersexuality.

There is a crucial thing to point out, and that is:

Just because I have Hypersexuality does not mean I am a sex robot or don't feel the need for foreplay. You actually do, and you have to turn me on even more before it becomes sexual

don't be an Asshole and go straight to the point just because you think I don't need "warming up."

I am terrified of posting this, but I somehow feel compelled to post it, so please take your time to read it because it is important to me and maybe crucial to others.

♥Tessa♥

I DON'T Roleplay!

 When I go into second life, I don't take on a role; I don't play somebody else. I inhabit what I look like in second life, but everything else, it's me! What I'm doing is me, if I'm dancing, it's me, if I'm with somebody it's me, it if I am having sex with somebody I would have sex with them as if they were with me in real life it's my feelings my response is how my body reacts! I am Not a role!

I have never been somebody that" roleplay's" in second life, and I would never do that in second life because that disconnects me from my second life.

There is this new thing going on around second life. Maybe it's not new, but it's called "paragraph roleplaying."

If you're into that, you better off writing a book, in my opinion, now I have friends that are into that, but they also know that I am a sport away from that as possible.

For me roleplaying is something you would do in World of Warcraft or some other type of game. For me, second life is not a part of that "game category" because second life is so much more. I will never ever look at second life as just a game or, as some people called it, a virtual chat room."

When people ask me do I role play, it kind of pisses me off because I've stated that second life is not a place where I role play.

But nothing pisses me off more than people who speak or write in the third person Or give me compliments in the third person, for example, "oh your avatar looks, nice oh I really like your avatar. It's so sexy."

Why do people do this? Haven't people figured out complimenting somebody saying, "oh, you look sexy today," or I really like your body?

That will automatically help boost the other person's self-esteem. Disconnecting somebody from what they look like in second life is just rude.

I show my genuine emotions in my second life. I don't hide behind anything; I show passion, I shall love, I shop happiness, I show sadness, I show grief, I reveal everything. 

I AM ME.

♿How my Disability affects my body♿ Part3

 If you have not read Part one or part two, please go back and read them before this part. Thank you♥

That was actually the second surgery in my life. When I was 6 months old, I believe my first was done, but I am unsure.

I was born with 2 inguinal hernias

One on each side of my body 

Indirect inguinal hernias. These occur when the inguinal canal fails to close before birth. The hernia may appear in a male's scrotum or skin fold when opening a female's vagina. This is the most common type of inguinal hernia. And it may occur at birth or later in life. Indirect hernias are more common in males

but women of all ages can get them.

I want to be very clear about something before I move on,

No, they were not testicles. They were hernias, my mom even asked.

In part 2, you would have read about my second surgery when I was 7, so let's skip ahead a little.

My mom has never treated me any different from other kids, so let me tell you about how I was different from other kids (you are allowed to laugh)

I was 5 years old, and I had just gotten my first wheelchair. I was so excited! I wanted to show it to my grandma and grandpa, who lived across the road from us.

My mom and I went over, and my mom told me to wait at the bottom of the staircase while she went to get grandma and grandpa. I waited and waited. To my right, there was a staircase down to the basement, and being 5 years old, I suddenly had the idea to see if my wheelchair could go down a staircase.

I wheeled myself closer and closer to the edge until I suddenly started to tumble down headfirst. Of course, my mom came running and saw me lying at the bottom of the stairs with the wheelchair on top of me, unconscious.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the ambulance with a broken arm and a very severe concussion, at which point I just said, " can I do that again?"

I think my mom knew from that moment on I would be her little "trouble maker."

Fast forward to when I was 14 years old. I underwent my first major surgery on my left hip. My left hip had dislocated about two years before my actual surgery, so I was in an extreme amount of pain for two years. I was in and out of hospital almost three times a week because I was in so much pain. One of our neighbors actually called the cops because she thought that my mom was hitting me. That's how loud I screamed whenever she tried to dress me or undress me, basically whenever she tried to do anything with me.

I think the surgery took about five to six hours. I'm not sure, but afterward, the doctor told me that the hip joint and the socket had rubbed against each other for all this time, so my hip joint was not around a ball anymore it basically was just a stick.

So, of course, he removed it and told me that I shouldn't have any other issues.

I went home the recovery with pretty OK, but then I started to feel this shooting extreme pain in my left hip again, and I was thinking to myself, what the fuck? There is no hip there, so why am I in this extreme amount of pain again?

So that started the whole process of being in and out of hospitals for two years straight again until the doctor that performed the first surgery on my left hip basically said to me that my femur is no rubbing against the socket where my hip joint had previously been.

He said, "I probably should have removed more bone, to begin with. I'm sorry."

I just looked at him and said, what happened to “do no harm?”

And I promise you, the moment I said that his face went completely white, and he didn't know how to respond.

He scheduled me for another surgery, but unfortunately, I had to wait so long that he was no longer practicing at that hospital, so another surgeon performed the surgery. I actually begged her to take as much bone as she needed because I couldn't take this pain anymore.

She ended up taking away about 10 centimeters of my femur to make sure that there was no bone whatsoever rubbing against the socket of my hip.

I should mention that both of the doctors informed me that by doing these surgeries, I most likely would never be able to walk even if I tried.

My thought process around this was that the surgery that was performed on me when I was seven years old already fucked my chances of ever walking, but there was still a chance, with my hip surgeries, that slim chance would basically be gone, but I just couldn't take the pain anymore, so I said yes do whatever you need to do.

So this is actually a very accurate picture of what my hip looks like. As you can imagine, my left leg is much shorter than my right leg, and my left leg is much smaller in terms of muscle mass.

My leg is kind of held together by muscle and tendons.

It kind of just hangs or lays depending on what I am doing.

It hurts if you put the leg into "wrong" Positions; otherwise, I have full feeling in my leg.

Perhaps the most difficult and the biggest hurdle I have ever had in my life came in 2004 and was completed in 2005

2004 I was diagnosed with scoliosis. Scoliosis is where the spine twists and curves to the side.

By this point in my life, I was so sick of doctors and hospitals in general that when I found out that I had yet another diagnosis, I kind of just yelled to myself, "come on, give me a break, give me a fucking break!"

I told him straight away that I didn't want any surgery whatsoever, but he told me that the curvature of my spine was so severe that I had no other option but surgery.

This is actually the X-ray of my back, or rather my spine back in 2014, now I'm not really sure what Cobb stands for, but I imagine it stands for how big the curve of the spine is.

A normal spine is supposed to go straight up and straight down. As you can see, my spine decided to become a race track.

I started to prepare myself to undergo this major surgery that would change my life forever. They would put two metal rods going up my back together with about 10 screws so they would basically fuse my spine into a permanent position.

This is my spine. After 10 hour surgery, the metal rods are in place and I have bone fragments from a cadaver between three of my vertebrae's

The rods go from C6 in my neck all the way down to my pelvis where it is screwed in place so I will never be able to go through natural childbirth, it would have to be via C-section.

The hardest part about this surgery was not the metal rods in their selves, it was actually the 200 staples in my back that were the hardest to deal with after the 200 staples were taken out. The recovery was quite speedy.

Before I got to go home from the hospital, the doctors told my mom that I would probably be bedridden for about six months. My mom just looked at the doctor and said, you don't know my daughter.

What should have taken six months to a year took Me 2 months to completely recover from.

After my recovery, I started to feel this pain in my back whenever I would move. So the whole thing with hospitals started up again.

the doctors couldn't figure out what was hurting me so badly, so one day, I had enough, and I asked my doctor if I could take a look at my X Ray,

He kinda just smiled and laughed, but he said OK, sure.

my mum wheeled me into the room, and it took me about 10 seconds to find the problems on my X-ray, I pointed to the last screw on my right side, and I asked him where is that located, and he looked up at my back, and he touched to the spot where I was hurting, and he just said well I'll be damned.

So yet again, I was put on the waiting list for surgery as soon as possible that took a year.

My doctor said that the surgery would go quite quickly because they only needed to open me up and take out the sprue or replace it with a shorter one.

So I didn't think much of it, really.

The surgery was supposed to take 45 minutes. When I woke up I found out that 45 minutes turned into five hours.

today after the doctor told me that my bone was so hard that he had to physically put his whole weight onto the screwdriver for it to even loosen.

I also had to have two blood transfusions.

After the last surgery, I made the decision to not undergo in the other surgery ever again except for life with threatening ones because The more you get operated on, the longer the recovery time is, and it also takes a toll on your body every time you have to do it.

I think this concludes the little mini-series of how my disability affects my body. Thank you for reading this far I really appreciate it! I hope you have a better understanding and perhaps a little bit more knowledge.

/Tessa

♿How my Disability affects my body♿ Part2

 

Please navigate to the first part of this blog post before continuing to this one.

I am not really sure how my mom found out about the nurse I just know that her mistake caused my brain injury.

After months in hospital, my mom was finally able to bring me home, but I was still very tiny, so tiny in fact that my mom had to go to a toy store to buy me clothing and I needed oxygen,

When I was about one year old, my mom started to notice that I couldn't sit up or crawl or walk on my own at first. She didn't think that much of it because she just taught me I was slow in development, but as time went on, my mom started to go back to my doctors about her concerns for me.

At first, do doctors tell my mom I had epilepsy, and I was heavily medicated for about five months, but my mom had her doubts, so she wasn't satisfied with the diagnosis, so she went back for a second opinion.

After countless hours of hospital appointments for cat scans and whatever else you can think of, they finally concluded that I had cerebral palsy And that it was most likely caused by a lack of oxygen to the brain.

As you can imagine, this came as a total shock to my mom. She has explained to me that it felt like the “ice bucket challenge.”

my mom Did the next logical step and asked the doctor how is severe my disability would be; she wishes that he never asked that question today.

What the doctor told my mom was a complete nightmare. she told her that I will most likely be a vegetable for the rest of my life and I would not be able to eat, talk or breathe on my own.

Here I am, 31 years later, talking, breathing, and eating.

This is why my mom regrets asking the doctor that question because she realizes now that the doctors can see into the future. They can't predict anything because everybody is different.

there are five different types of cerebral palsy

spastic
ataxic
athetoid
hypotonic
and mixed type cerebral palsy.

What I have is called spastic diplegia CP. (CP = cerebral palsy)

Affects the legs and arms, making them stiff and contracted (spastic). The legs are generally more affected than the arms.

As I have said earlier in this post, everybody is different so my legs are not contracted and stiff.

The way I like to describe my condition to other people is:

The signals that go from your brain to your legs telling them to move those signals don't work for me. Therefore, I can't walk, but I can feel everything, and I can move my legs to a certain extent.

My speech works fine, My hands are a little bent, but the main thing Is my legs.

I could actually walk until I was seven years old. I walked with aid, and I was walking like a ballerina on my tippy toes. One doctor decided that that would be bad for me in the long run, so I underwent an operation to extend my Achilles tendons to use my whole foot instead of my toes.

That operation went horribly wrong because, after the operation, he told my mom that he “forgot to.”

pull my left leg out to the same length as my right leg. From that moment on, I never walked again.

To be continued...

/Tessa Blackwood

♿How my Disability affects my body♿

 I want to start off by saying a huge thank you for the overwhelming support I have received from my last blog post. To be honest, I was speechless, and often times I had tears in my eyes because I just didn't expect the love and support that came flooding my way. THANK YOU!♥

Since posting my last blog post, I have gotten many questions about exactly how my disability affects me and my body, so I thought, why not make a blog post about it.

One widespread misconception people have is that you must be paralyzed when you are disabled and a wheelchair user. No, no, and NO!

There are literally millions of different disabilities, and different disabilities take a different form in everybody.

First a little information about pregnancies, now bere with me this is important.

A normal healthy pregnancy usually lasts between 38 to 40 weeks, sometimes 41 weeks. 

I was born at 27 weeks, and I weighed in at 2.2 lbs and just 24 cm long (9.4 inches).

It's hard to find good photos where I can actually show you how small I was without having to show you a photo of a real baby that size, but hopefully, you will kinda see.

This is a 27-week belly and baby.
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This is a 39-week belly and baby. This is usually when the baby decides to come out♥ , and it is safe to do so.

This is me trying to explain as simply as I can so that everybody can understand.

So at 27 weeks, I was quick to enter the world and concur with it!

There was just one problem, my lungs had not formed. I could not breathe on my own.
so the doctors placed me in an incubator 

It looks like this, and it basically is designed to mimic the environment a baby would have if it was still in the belly.



I was also placed under ultraviolet lights because most premature babies are born with jaundice, which basically means yellow tinting of the skin.

I am not really sure what ultraviolet light is supposed to do because I am not trained in the medical profession, even though I might seem to be.

Being born sober premature, my lungs were basically nonexistent. I could not keep my body temperature by myself, so the incubator was warmed up, and I was wrapped in blankets. The incubator was basically my home until my original due date.



My mom actually told me I looked like the world's tiniest burrito.

To my surprise, there was never really a question of whether I would survive or not.

The question was more about my body tolerating the number of heavy medications they would have to put me on.

The doctors had a very positive outlook and told my mom that I most likely would not have any form of disability; what happened next was the moment that would. changed my life forever

I guess it was a normal day at the intensive care unit a lot of people running around a lot of new parents visiting their critically ill babies.

One nurse would make a mistake that would haunt her for the rest of her life.



Remember, my lungs were already trying to keep me alive even though I shouldn't be. She made the mistake of turning down my oxygen when she thought she was turning it up.

I became oxygen-deprived, which ultimately caused my brain injury, a brain injury, that would be discovered two years later.

To be continued...

/Tessa