Why Are People in Second Life So Socially Constipated?

When I say that people in Second Life are socially constipated, I mean it.

Seriously.

Go to a club.

Go to an event.

Look around.

People are standing there saying absolutely fucking nothing.

Now, to be fair, I usually don't speak in local chat either.

But there is a difference.

I am there.

If somebody talks to me, I answer.

Ever since I decided to show my wheelchair and live my Second Life as realistically as possible, though, people barely talk to me anymore.

And yes, I absolutely think the wheelchair has something to do with it.

Because the second you do something even slightly outside what people consider "normal", their brains seem to short-circuit.

Suddenly they don't know how to behave around you.

Suddenly having a completely normal conversation becomes fucking impossible.

These days, I mostly go to clubs because I like the music.

Meanwhile, behind the computer, I'm usually talking to my husband about nutrition, food intake, whatever random thing we're working on, or just life in general.

So yes, I'm quiet.

But choosing to be quiet because you're busy doing something else is not the same thing as being socially constipated.

What I don't understand are the people who start conversations and then apparently have absolutely no fucking clue what to do once the other person responds.

"Hi, how are you?"

I answer.

Nothing.

Okay then.

Why the hell did you message me?

And try being positive sometime.

Tell people you're happy.

Tell them your life is good.

Tell them you actually like where you are in life.

Watch what happens.

Some people get pissed off.

Some don't know what to say.

Some immediately start looking for the catch, because apparently there must be something suspicious about a person who is genuinely happy.

But my absolute favourite kind of socially constipated person is the one who decides that my wheelchair is somehow a problem they need to fix.

They want me to stand because standing makes them more comfortable.

That one pisses me off.

Yesterday, a man asked me to dance.

Which, honestly, was surprising enough on its own.

I told him, "Give me a few minutes. I need to adjust my wheelchair so I can dance while seated."

He said that was fine.

So I adjusted it and joined him.

I have specifically adapted my wheelchair so I can use dance animations without suddenly popping up onto two perfectly functioning Second Life legs like some kind of miracle cure has occurred.

I dance seated because that is how I dance.

Simple.

Except almost immediately, he started suggesting that I should stand up.

Then he kept trying to persuade me to come see his newly decorated house so we could dance there instead.

And within about ten seconds, I knew exactly where this was going.

Still, I tried to keep it playful.

I told him I was holding onto the front pockets of his pants so I could hold on to him while we danced.

His response?

"Oh yes, I can feel you touching something in my pants."

And that was it.

Dance over.

Teleport home.

Goodbye.

Meanwhile, he acted like absolutely nothing strange had happened.

To him, apparently, this was a completely normal interaction.

And before anybody misunderstands me here:

Yes, I am a diagnosed nymphomaniac.

Sexual advances do not scare me.

I enjoy sexual attention.

I expect sexual attention.

The sexual comment itself was not the fucking problem.

The problem was everything that came before it.

He had already repeatedly tried to get me out of my wheelchair because he couldn't seem to cope with the fact that I was dancing while seated.

My wheelchair wasn't interfering with the dance.

It wasn't stopping us from interacting.

It wasn't causing a problem.

It was simply making the interaction look different from whatever picture he had in his head.

And apparently that was enough.

Dancing in my wheelchair is normal for me.

It is literally how I exist.

If you can't handle that, don't ask me to dance.

Maybe that's actually what being socially constipated means.

Not being quiet.

Not being shy.

Not standing around in a club without talking.

Maybe it's only knowing how to interact with people who fit neatly inside your own little version of normal.

And the second somebody doesn't?

You have absolutely no fucking idea what to do with them.

People Need to Get a Grip on Themselves

 I spent the majority of the day today in my inventory, trying to organize things, which is a whole project by itself in Second Life. After that, I went to this new beach I found called Tiddy Beach, just to exist somewhere for a while. I was there, scrolling through Primfeed, and I started noticing how many couples there are openly devoting themselves to each other.

And I do not mind people being happy. I really do not. But I also think a lot of people in Second Life need to get a grip on themselves.

Because most of the time, what happens in Second Life stays in Second Life. For most people, it is fantasy. It is a place where they can be someone else, feel something else, look different, act different, and build something that may or may not have anything to do with their real life. That does not automatically make it fake, but it does mean people should probably be a little more honest with themselves about what they are actually doing.

Devotion is not a small word.

At least not to me.

To be truly devoted to somebody, you would have to be there in a way that goes far beyond posting cute pictures, wearing matching names, having a wedding, and writing dramatic captions. Real devotion means you trust that person more than you trust yourself. It means you choose them when things are boring, difficult, inconvenient, ugly, uncomfortable, and not picture-perfect. It means you show up in the everyday, not just in the fantasy.

So when I see couples in Second Life getting married and publicly declaring all of this deep, eternal devotion, part of me just sits there thinking, okay. Give it a week.

Because so often, one week later they are heading for divorce because something did not work out in Second Life. Or two months later, three months later, that person is no longer anywhere in their life. The profile changes. The pictures disappear. The name is removed. The grand devotion quietly turns into nothing.

And then everyone moves on like it was just another outfit change.

That is why it feels performative to me sometimes. Like, “Look at me. Look what I managed to do with my Second Life. Look how loved I am. Look how chosen I am.” But if it disappears the second things stop being easy, then was it really devotion?

No.

Devotion is not devotion just because you called it that.

To me, my Second Life is not a fantasy. My Second Life is my life, just on another platform. I do not pretend. I do not fake. I do not try to seem like someone I am not. I show up as myself, with my real thoughts, my real boundaries, my real body, my real way of seeing things.

And I have noticed that a lot of people cannot handle that.

Or they just think I am weird.

And that is okay. Go ahead and think I am weird. Go ahead and think whatever you want to think about me. I do not chase other people’s opinions on how I should live my life. I am not here to make my Second Life easier for other people to understand.

But it is so obvious sometimes when something is fake. Painfully obvious.

Some of these pictures are presented like deep love, deep devotion, deep connection, and then when you actually ask someone about it, it is suddenly, “Oh, that is my alt.”

I mean, come on.

There is roleplay, and then there is whatever that is.

I have three people on my friends list. Yes, three. I do not have a crowd around me. I do not have a giant circle. I do not collect people just so my Second Life looks fuller from the outside. And yes, I have thought about creating a bot account just to have somebody with me sometimes, because I know what it is like to be alone in Second Life.

But creating couple pictures, romantic devotion posts, intimate scenes, and then finding out the other person is just your alt is more than weird to me.

Because at that point, what are we even doing?

You are not showing devotion. You are not showing a relationship. You are not showing love. You are staging a performance with yourself and then presenting it like proof that someone chose you.

And in some of those pictures, let us be honest, you are basically having sex with yourself.

That is not devotion.

That is not connection.

That is not a love story.

That is a mirror with better lighting.

I am devoted to my real-life husband because he is the one person who knows me better than anyone. He probably knows me better than I know myself, to be honest. And yes, we are polyamorous. I can choose to love other people, but they will never take his place, no matter what they do.

Because to me, he is my king.

He is the one person who shows up for me and for our relationship every single day, twenty-four seven. He is actually my full-time caretaker. He is the one who is there in the real, practical, exhausting, unglamorous parts of life. Not just for pretty pictures. Not just when it feels easy. Not just when there is something to gain from being seen.

My husband had to be by my side while my real-life body changed. My appearance changed. Even parts of my personality changed. He had to meet the new me as I was becoming her. He had to understand her, adjust to her, and in some ways fall in love with her too.

And still, he stayed.

He stayed by my side.

He always stays by my side.

And I am the same with him. I would do anything for him. Not because it looks good. Not because it makes a nice picture. Not because there is an audience watching and clapping for us. But because he is my person, and I am his.

I have been with him for fifteen years now.

That is devotion.

Not some Second Life photo.

Because in the end, that photo does not mean anything if there is nothing real behind it.

Devotion is what remains when nobody is watching.

Don’t Call Me Cute

 It started with an accidental voice message.

I was watching a YouTube short, and there was a guy singing. Without thinking, I started singing along. Somehow, by accident, I recorded myself and sent it to someone I had been talking to in Second Life.

Not planned. Not polished. Not some careful voice reveal.

Just me, being human for a second.

And his response was:

“You’re so cute.”

I know he probably meant it nicely. I know it was supposed to be a compliment. But something in me just stopped.

Because I am tired of being called cute.

There have been multiple times in my life where I have sent pictures to people, and the response has been the same kind of thing.

“Oh, you’re cute.”

“You’re so cute.”

And every time, something in me goes: no.

I am not cute.

I am a fully grown thirty-six-year-old woman. You do not put cute and me in the same sentence like that and expect it to land well.

I am not a little thing. I am not a novelty. I am not some soft, harmless version of a person that is easier for people to understand.

I am beautiful.

And there is a difference.

Cute is a word you use for a child, or for someone young enough that “cute” still makes sense. It belongs somewhere around twelve, thirteen, fourteen — that age where someone is not fully grown yet and the word still carries that harmless, innocent feeling.

But I am thirty-six.

So when someone looks at me, or hears me, or sees a picture of me, and the word they reach for is “cute,” it does not feel like a compliment. It feels like they are making me smaller than I am.

Maybe some people like being called that. Maybe it lands differently for them. But for me, especially as a disabled woman, it hits a place I am tired of having touched.

Because disabled women already get softened too much. People make us smaller without even realizing it. They talk around our bodies. They treat our needs like something fragile. They turn normal parts of our lives into something awkward or heavy. And then, when we show ourselves as women, as adults, as people with desire and presence and edge, they still reach for cute.

Like that is the safest word they can find.

But I am not something that needs protection.

I am fully capable of protecting myself when I need to. I have had to be. I have lived in this body. I have lived through the awkwardness, the assumptions, the staring, the softness people wrap around me without asking. I know how to read people. I know how to put my foot down. I know when to stay, and I know when to leave.

I am not something you need to protect.

And I am definitely not something you need to make smaller so you can feel more comfortable standing next to me.

I want to be seen.

Not as a chair. Not as a condition. Not as an inspiring little moment. Not as someone brave for existing. Not as someone adorable because I accidentally sang into my microphone.

As a woman.

A real one.

Beautiful. Grown. Present. Desired.

Not cute.

I am a force of nature.

I am not cute. I am beautiful in every single way possible.

There are so many words in this world to describe someone. You do not have to use the word cute.

You Don’t Lose Someone By Accident

 Hi everyone, it’s me, Tessa.

Sorry I’ve been quiet for a little while now. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and sometimes I need to pull back a bit before I can find the right words for what I’m actually feeling.

But there is something I’ve been wondering about for quite some time now.

Why are people in Second Life so indecisive?

I don’t mean small decisions, like where to go or what to wear. I mean the emotional things. The real things. The moments where you clearly feel something for another person, but instead of saying it, you walk twenty laps around the subject and pretend you don’t know what is going on inside you.

But you do know.

If you click with someone, you know. If there is something there, you feel it. Maybe it happens on the first day you meet them. Maybe it happens on the second. Maybe it surprises you completely. But pretending not to know does not make it less real. It just makes everything more complicated than it needs to be.

I think people are so afraid of feeling something that they start acting like the feeling itself is the problem. They hide behind “I don’t know,” when what they really mean is, “I’m scared.” Scared of being rejected. Scared of being too much. Scared of what it means if the other person matters faster than expected.

But feelings do not become safer just because you avoid saying them out loud.

And honestly, I think the same thing applies to friendship too.

When someone is struggling, don’t just say, “If you ever need anything, let me know.” I know people mean well when they say that, but it also puts the burden on the person who is already tired to reach out, explain what they need, and ask for help. Sometimes that is too much.

If you want to help someone, then help them.

Do the thing. Show up. Send the message. Offer something specific. Don’t make them carry the emotional weight of asking when you already know they need support.

It is the same in Second Life relationships, friendships, and connections. If you feel something, say something. If you care, show it. If you want to be there, be there.

Stop circling around the truth like the truth is going to bite you.

Because most of the time, the truth is already sitting between you both anyway. You are just pretending not to see it.

A couple of days ago, I broke off a long-term relationship with someone I had been with for over seven years in Second Life. I called him my husband. That was not a small thing to me. He had been there for me through a lot, even during the three years when I was in an abusive Second Life relationship. He tried to pull me out of that. He supported me. He showed up for me then.

And then, all of a sudden, he disappeared.

Not in one dramatic moment. Not with some big fight or clear ending. He just stopped showing up.

Then, a couple of days ago, he wrote to me and said he had not been a good husband to me. He wanted us to sit down and talk about the situation.

But I told him there was nothing to talk about.

Because the truth was simple: he stopped showing up for our relationship, so I stopped showing up too.

If you want a relationship with someone in Second Life, and you talk about how both people need to want it, then show up for that relationship. Show up the way the other person shows up for you. That is how you make something work. Not by saying the right things after you have already let the relationship starve. Not by coming back later with explanations when the damage has already been done.

He stopped showing up for me. He stopped showing up for us.

And when he did that, I stopped too.

Because I am not going to chase somebody who is clearly telling me, through silence and absence, that they do not want me. Sometimes people do not say the words out loud, but their actions say them anyway. And I have learned to listen to that.

So I told him clearly: you stopped showing up for our relationship. That is on you. Not on me.

If I was supposed to mean something to him, he would never have done that to me in the first place. He would not have disappeared from the relationship and then expected a conversation to fix what his absence already broke.

He wanted to sit down and talk, but I did not have time to sit there and listen to someone try to explain why they stopped showing up.

Because this is not something you can talk your way out of.

I could not care less what a person I call my partner is doing when he is not with me. I really could not care less. I am not sitting there trying to control every part of someone else’s Second Life, or their time, or their friendships, or what they do when they are not directly with me.

That is not what I demand from a person.

The only thing I demand is that they show up to our relationship.

Because every single relationship is different. Every connection has its own shape, its own purpose, its own meaning between the people inside it. And if you choose to be in that relationship, then you have to show up for the purpose of it.

You have to.

And when I say show up, I do not mean just logging in. I do not mean standing there, wearing the title, and thinking that is enough.

I mean take care of the relationship.

Do not let it fall apart while pretending you still want it. Do not let the other person sit there wondering where they stand with you. Do not let silence, distance, and half-effort become the thing that slowly destroys what you claimed mattered.

If that person means something to you, show it.

Act like it.

Make them feel like they are the only person in the world when they are with you. Not because you own them. Not because they own you. But because in that moment, in that relationship, in that connection, they should feel chosen.

They should feel wanted.

They should feel like you are actually there with them, not just physically present while emotionally checked out.

Take care of the fucking relationship.

Show up.

You cannot claim the title, take the comfort, enjoy the bond, and then disappear when it is time to actually be present. You cannot say someone matters to you and then act like showing up is optional.

Whatever the relationship is, show up for that.

Not for some perfect version of it. Not for what other people think it should look like. Not for the easy parts only.

Show up for the actual relationship you are in, with the actual person standing in front of you.

Because you do not lose someone by accident.

You lose them slowly, through every message you do not send. Every moment you choose distance instead of presence. Every time you let them wonder if they still matter to you. Every time you assume they will keep waiting, keep understanding, keep carrying the relationship by themselves.

And eventually, they stop.

Not because they stopped caring first.

But because you taught them how to live without you.

Regardless of what kind of relationship you choose to have in Second Life, or even outside of Second Life if you take it that far, you have to show up to your own fucking relationship with the other person.

That is the core of everything.

Show up.

He Didn’t Leave Second Life. He Left Me.

 

Today started like any other day.

I was just scrolling on Primfeed, not really thinking about anything in particular, just letting the feed pass by. And then, out of nowhere, I saw him.

A picture.

Posted two days ago.

In Second Life.

And everything in me just… stopped.

Because this is the same man I fell madly in love with back in December. The one who, only about a week into everything, told me he had to leave. Something had happened in his family, he said, and he needed to step away from Second Life for an extended period of time.

And I believed him.

Of course I did.

I supported him. I told him I understood. I told him I’d be here when he got back. I meant every word of it, too. There was no hesitation in me, no doubt. Just… care. Loyalty. Patience.

Then came the shock.

He removed me from his friends list.

At the time, I didn’t really know what to make of it. I told myself he was just going offline, stepping away from everything, dealing with whatever was happening in his real life. I didn’t question it the way I maybe should have. I just… accepted it.

But today changed that.

Seeing that picture, posted just two days ago, made something click in a way I can’t ignore anymore.

Because what I’ve been quietly thinking all along suddenly felt very clear.

He didn’t leave Second Life.

He left me.

And now I’m sitting here trying to make sense of that. Was it the time zone? Was I too intense? Did I care too much, too fast? I don’t even know. My mind keeps trying to find a reason that makes it easier to understand, something I can hold onto that explains why.

But the truth is, none of that actually matters as much as this one thing:

He was there.

He was online.

And he didn’t reach out to me.

Not a message. Not a word. Nothing.

Which makes it really hard to believe that what he told me back then was the truth.

Someone commented on one of my Primfeed posts that people in Second Life are just playing, that they don’t take anything seriously.

And maybe he’s right.

Because right now, it feels like I was the only one who wasn’t playing.

From now on, I don’t think I can trust it the same way. Not the words, not the promises. To a lot of people, it’s just a game. A place where you can be whatever you want, say whatever you want, and disappear whenever it suits you.

And I don’t think I belong in that version of it.

People can keep their fakeness, their half-truths, their easy exits.

I’m stepping out of that.

For now… I think I’d rather just stay by myself.

When I saw his picture, I went to his profile in Second Life and wrote:

Welcome back.

I’ll be very surprised if he writes back.

And if he doesn’t…

then I’ll know my instincts were right.

I Keep Meeting the Same Man in Different Bodies

 Hi everyone, it’s me, Tessa.

I just needed to come on here and clear my mind a little bit.

So the guy I talked about in my previous post… he’s done and dusted. And honestly, that turned out to be a good thing.

About a week later, I met someone new in Second Life. At first, it felt really good. The connection was there, the passion was there, and I actually liked it. It didn’t feel forced or weird. It just felt natural.

But pretty quickly, something started to feel off.

He was always there. The moment he logged in, he would be at my house, right next to me. It didn’t matter what I was doing, he was just there. And at first, it feels nice, because you think, okay, this person wants to be around me. But after a while, it stopped feeling nice and started feeling suffocating.

And for someone like me, who has been alone for almost two years, and who is polyamorous, that just doesn’t work. I don’t want someone glued to me like that. I want a partner, not a lapdog.

Another thing I noticed was how he kept asking me what I had been up to, over and over again, like he was trying to steer me into giving a specific kind of answer. It didn’t feel like normal curiosity. It felt like he was waiting for me to say that I had been fucking around with different people. But when I told him the truth, that I had been studying, taking care of Sophia, and just living my life, he just went, “oh.” And it wasn’t neutral. It sounded disappointed, like I hadn’t given him the answer he was looking for.

Then he disappeared.

I didn’t see him for a couple of days, and apparently he was sick. So when he came back, he told me he had logged in just to see me. And yeah, that sounds sweet, but at the same time, if you’re that sick, why are you even at the computer?

He asked me what I wanted to do, and I said we could go to a restaurant. So we walked there from my house. But as soon as we got there, it was obvious he wasn’t feeling good at all. He told me he wanted to go back home and lie down on top of me.

So we went back.

And I honestly expected him to log off and go to bed, because that’s what a normal person would do when they’re sick. Instead, he laid down with me in Second Life and then went to sleep in real life, leaving me sitting there alone at one or two in the morning.

And that’s when something hit me.

I’m not doing this.

I’ve done this before. I’ve sat there waiting for someone for years, three years of my life with someone who was abusive, and I’m not putting myself in that position again.

So I told him I was logging off, that I loved him, and that I would see him tomorrow, and then I left.

The next morning, he logged in again. I had left him in my bed naked, but now he was fully dressed. And I just sat there thinking, okay… so you were online after I left. Which is fine, but then you can’t have been that sick.

That’s where something shifted for me, because now it just didn’t add up anymore.

So I told him straight. If you’re sick, you should be in bed, not at the computer. And then there’s the crashing. Logging in, logging out, over and over again. And funny enough, it always seemed to happen during our more intimate moments.

So I told him clearly, until you fix that, I don’t want you near me.

He said he understood, and then he left.

And funny enough, after that, he was able to be online for seven hours straight without logging in and out.

So I just sat there thinking… okay, this is bullshit.

He left me alone after that, and he’s stayed away since. The only time he reached out was to ask how me and my daughter were doing. That was the moment I decided to be brutally honest with him.

You do know I’m polyamorous, right? There is no exclusivity between you and me, because that’s not how I work.

And I can’t be with someone who is submissive to me. I need a man who knows who he is. I need masculinity. I don’t want softness.

And he kept saying that he understood.

But I was just sitting there thinking… no, you don’t.

Because if you did, you would have read my profile. You would have seen it on my Primfeed. It’s literally one of the first things about me.

One thing that put me off even more was when he straight up asked me if I was into black guys. And I told him, that has nothing to do with it. Color has nothing to do with it. It’s about the mind of a person. And then he goes on to say that he had been looking at my Primfeed from earlier, back when I was, in his words, “a little more slutty.” And I just sat there, thinking… what? Are you serious?

I even went as far as taking down the pictures we had on Primfeed, because I don’t see the point in keeping them up when he doesn’t even acknowledge them publicly. He doesn’t like them, he doesn’t comment on them. He just tells me privately that he loves them, and that’s it. And yeah… I do miss him a little. But the reality is, there are just too many things about him that irritate me, and I can’t look past that.

The Weirdness of People in Second Life

 For the past couple of days, I’ve been wondering why people in Second Life are so weird.

Not in a funny way.
Not in a “haha, that’s quirky” kind of way.

Just… weird.

The kind of weird that makes you stop and think, what is actually going on here?

A couple of days ago, I went to a very popular beach in Second Life.

I already knew how it would go.
No one talks to me.
I sit there for hours.
I do something else on my computer while I just… exist.

That’s usually how it is.

But this time, something different happened.

I actually met someone.

And at first, it was nice.
We had a really pleasant interaction.
There was curiosity, a bit of connection… that feeling of discovering someone new.

And then it shifted.

In the middle of all of that, he started saying things like he wanted to be my dad.

That he felt protective of me.
That he wanted to take care of me.

And I remember thinking… okay.

I told him straight.
I’m not looking for a dad.
You can be caring and protective without me having to call you that.

But it didn’t stop there.

Because what he was really hinting at was something else entirely.

That I would be his daughter…
while still being in a relationship with him.

That was the first blow.

I remember thinking to myself…

please, please, please… don’t be one of those weird people. Please.

I kind of just brushed it off, what he was saying.

I tried to look past it.

We met again the day after.
And one thing led to another, and we had a good time.

And then he came back online in the middle of the night.

He said he couldn’t sleep.

I don’t even remember exactly how we got into it, but he started asking me why I like going to certain hotels in Second Life.

And I just told him the truth.
I like going to hotels because it’s nice.

And it didn’t stop there.

At one point, he asked if we could couple dance.

And then he asked me if I could stand up from my wheelchair so we could do it properly.

And I just sat there thinking…

if I stood up from my wheelchair,
that would defeat the entire purpose of me having one.

So I told him no.

I told him that if I dance,
I dance by going around in circles on the dance floor—

because that’s how I dance in real life.

And that’s when it really clicked for me.

Because underneath what he was saying…

he was asking me to be someone I’m not.
To change something fundamental about myself,
just to fit him better.

That was the second blow.

And then came the third and final blow.

He asked if I would be with someone else while he watched.

And that’s where my complete disconnection happened.

I said no, because that creates drama.

I know you like drama in your Second Life, but I don’t.

And he immediately pushed back.

“What makes you think I like drama?”

And I said… because it literally says so in your profile.
Under role-play.

And then he goes—

“Well, that’s just role-play. That’s where we make up storylines.”

And I just sat there.

Thinking…

okay… so you’re different people depending on your mood.

And by that point, I had already disconnected.

So I didn’t respond to that.

Because to me, that way of thinking feels like a kind of detachment.

Like you can just step in and out of things without them meaning anything.

And maybe that works for some people.

But for me…

If you start treating Second Life like that,
like something you can switch on and off depending on what you feel like that day—

then everything becomes a joke.

You see, for me, Second Life is a virtual world.

It’s just like real life…
just in a different form.

So I don’t get people that roleplay.

I don’t get it, because I don’t do that.

I just exist.

I’m me, 1,000% of the time.

I don’t put on a persona for other people to like me.
And I never will.

And then there’s the way some people talk.

Or text.

In third person.

And I just sit there thinking…

what are you doing?

Because to me, that doesn’t feel natural.
It doesn’t feel real.

It feels like you’re stepping away from yourself.
Like you’re turning yourself into a character instead of just… being a person.

And that’s where I disconnect.

No matter how much I like you,
or dislike you,
or whatever—

I disconnect.

Because for me,
you’re being something other than yourself.

I haven’t seen this guy in a couple of days now.

And honestly… it doesn’t bother me.

Because the moment things started going in that direction, I was already pulling away.

The first step was when he started talking about me being his daughter while still being in a relationship with him.

That alone was enough to make me stop and think.

And then the second step was when he asked me to stand up from my wheelchair so we could dance.

And the third step…

was when he asked me if I would be with someone else while he watched.

That’s when I fully disconnected.

Completely.

And what makes it even more frustrating is that I actually have it written in my profile.

Under my pics section.

It clearly says absolutely not.

So what he was hinting at…
is something I’ve already made very clear I’m not okay with.

Which means he didn’t read my profile properly.

And okay, I get it—
some people only read the first part.

But still.

Why would you ask someone that?

Why would you go there without even knowing where they stand?

Because to me…
that’s not normal behavior.

This is why I stay to myself.

Because every time I try to start a conversation with someone,
it eventually leads to the same thing.

They can’t stay on my level of thinking.

Something always gets twisted.
Something always goes off.

And I just sit there wondering why I even tried.

So at some point, you start asking yourself—

why would I invest my time and energy into that?

And then it turns into a bigger question.

Do normal people even exist anymore?

Normal people…
without all the weird tendencies.
Without the weird sexual behavior.

Where are they?

Where are the normal people from before social media?
From back in the day?

Where the fuck did they go?