It’s been a heck of a year. I don’t even know if I could sum it up properly, but I know one thing for sure — I’ve grown a lot. I’m not the same person I used to be. And that’s not a bad thing.
Second Life isn’t a big priority for me anymore. I deleted almost my entire friends list. I have about seven people left. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Over time, I’ve started to understand what I actually need in life. And one thing I don’t need is fake people in Second Life. People who throw around words and promises and then don’t stand behind any of it. This year has been incredibly lonely for me in Second Life. Really lonely. It feels dead. Nothing is happening. No one is talking. So I stopped forcing myself to care.
The loneliness itself doesn’t bother me that much. I’d rather be alone than surrounded by people who aren’t really there anyway. In a way, this needed to happen. I needed to take a stand for myself. And I think that started when I finally left my abusive Second Life partner. After that relationship completely tore me down, I slowly started finding myself again.
I’ve also noticed a shift in Second Life overall. People don’t talk the way they used to. Even when I go to my favorite club, everyone is quiet. They just stand there. And if someone does start talking in local chat, it’s almost like they’re doing something wrong — like they should stay quiet. It doesn’t feel social anymore. It feels uncomfortable.
But the silence itself isn’t the main issue for me. What hurts is feeling invisible. And that started the moment I transitioned from walking in Second Life to being in a wheelchair full-time. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I think it says a lot about people, and about how quickly they stop seeing you when the first thing they notice makes them uncomfortable.
One of the clearest examples of this comes from someone I saw as a partner. I asked him to help me conceive in Second Life. He did. I became pregnant. And after that — nothing. Not a single word.
So I stopped the pregnancy. Why wouldn’t I? I’m used to being pregnant and doing it on my own, but when someone can’t even acknowledge you, when you’re completely invisible, I don’t see the point.
When I made that decision, I honestly didn’t feel much about it. I already knew he didn’t want to be involved as a father figure or anything like that. That was clear. What I did want was at least some form of acknowledgment from time to time. Just something. And he hasn’t given me that at all. In fact, he hasn’t spoken to me since I became pregnant.
I’ve had people tell me that I’ve changed a lot. But I don’t see it that way. I haven’t changed. The woman I am now has always been there. She was just dormant for a long time. I got tired of speaking my mind. Tired of saying what I felt and not being heard. So I stopped. I followed instead. Other people’s rules, other people’s expectations.
After starting this medication, that woman isn’t dormant anymore. I didn’t become someone new. I just stopped muting her. That’s why I seem different now.
As for leaving my abusive Second Life partner — I’m doing really fucking okay. Better than I ever thought I would. What’s strange is that I still miss him sometimes, even though he’s a complete asshole. I think that’s because he’s the father of my Second Life daughter, and that’s a bond I can’t fully erase.
As far as I know, he’s blocked me. And I don’t want to talk to him ever again. I really don’t. He can stay far away from my life. I also know he’s the kind of person who checks my social media from other accounts. And I know that something in his real life has changed — something that means he’s no longer “allowed” to talk to me. Let’s leave it at that.
Leaving 2025 behind, I have a strong feeling about 2026. Not in a material way. Not about things or achievements. But in a deeper sense. I think 2026 is going to show me what I’m actually meant to do.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
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