She is 35 days old already!

Hi everyone, it's Tessa. I hope you all are doing fantastic. I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while. You know how it goes by now.

As I played with my daughter on the floor today, I realized she was already 35 days old. Where has time gone?

This will be a baby update and a brain dump, so get ready.

I have been through a lot these past months, days, weeks, whatever you want to say. Still, I also have found that I have grown a lot as a person, and I am finally starting to feel like I'm getting back to my “old self” again, which feels lovely but also scary at the same time because I have not had this freedom for so long, Dad. I don't know what to do with it. I am so used to being unable to do what I want in second life because it didn't please this person.

Before I continue, I want to clarify that I am not talking about my first life relationship with my husband.  Our relationship is tremendously solid and will not break for anything.

So let's continue….

Even though I am so incredibly happy to have my freedom back to do what I want to be creative to be my naughty self again, I am terrified and nervous. I am constantly thinking about what if I heard this person's feelings or if I said something stupid to this person.

I know that this mindset is due to the psychological and emotional abuse that was put on me for about two years straight, and I know that the scars I have emotionally will probably never go away. You might think this is crazy, but until you have been in their position, I was, please don't judge me.

Some days, I feel fine and back to some version of myself again, but then some days, I withdraw back to being home alone, not talking to anyone, and mostly just standing around.

What's crazy is that I want to reach out to him again, but of course, I stopped myself because my freedom now is 10,000 times better than I had when I was with him. Don't get me wrong, most days with him were wonderful, but then there were those days that have scarred me forever.

I couldn't see it back then, but those wonderful days were his love-bombing me to return to his old ways again a few days later.

Moving forward, I've started making new and wonderful connections that I never thought I would have again, and it feels terrific.

A few days ago, another blast from a very recent past decided to come back into my life again and to be honest; I've had a tough time trying to forget this person and move on just because of how things ended.

By the end of it all, I was more confused as to why this person even had reached out to me again because this person didn't make any sense whatsoever. The only thing I became very clear on was that I didn't want this person anymore. The drama that comes with this person is something I don't want. After that day, it was like, “Yeah, I'm done with you.” This person did not look like they did when I first met them. It was a shock for me, not in a good way.

One of my very close friends had to come over to try and help me make sense of what this person was trying to accomplish by reaching back out to me.

While telling my friend what had gone down, he had as many questions as I did regarding the situation.

The one thing that has been constant in my life is my daughter Sofia. I take care of her every day and feel like a mother. It's the most beautiful feeling you could ever feel. Being a mother is one of the biggest dreams I have had in life, and coming to terms with the fact that I will never be a mother in my first life has been very hard, so to be able to experience motherhood in second life has genuinely helped me More than I can say with words I know she's not real but to be honest with you the more advanced the Zobby babies get, the more real she becomes to me.

My daughter is my everything; my daughter brings out something within me that I never talked about that I could experience, and for that, she is very accurate also.

I can't explain how having a baby in my second life has impacted me positively.

For all the men out there who think that if they are interested in me, they would have to take on a baby, you're mistaken. My daughter is my responsibility; she is mine, and I wouldn't push her on to anyone.

While we are on the topic of potential relationships, I have found it very hard to find people who connect with me on a mature, intelligent level; when I go to certain places in second life, I get hit on yes, but most of the time, it's not even flattering or intriguing for me I feel like “Meh”…. Before I continue I want to say this is my personal opinion so don't come after me.

I feel like most of the men in Second I've forgotten how to talk to a woman in a respectful, polite manner before jumping into the bedroom. I mean, they would never go up to a woman who is a stranger and say, “Ohh can I fuck you today, baby?”

When I see IMs like that, I don't even respond.

Peak my fucking interest! It makes me want to get to know you. It makes me want to lie down in bed with you.

Second, life is and will always be a virtual reality. Finding love or love connections would be much easier if people stopped trying so hard to be something other than themselves.

One thing with me that's never going to change is how I view second life. As I said, my second life is a virtual reality, and I will always 100% be myself. I will not role-play; I will not “play someone.” I'm not. Who I am in my second life does not differ one bit from who I am in my first life; the only different thing is the fact that I am walking in my second life; in real life, I'm using a word chair that's all there is even how I look in second life it might not be 100% accurate. Still, if I don't “see” myself in the way I look, I won't stop perfecting myself until I do.

I have said this for many years: second life is not a game. It's a reality.

The sooner people realize that the sooner people will see second life from a different perspective and maybe just maybe be a little bit more open to 2 possibilities and feelings.

/ Tessa