60 Days...

 Hello, everyone. I hope you all are doing well. I am getting better and better each day.

 This time has flown by, and I can't believe I have been out of his grip for 60 days.

That's not to say that it has not been challenging; it has, but not as hard as I thought it would be, not as hard as the other times when I have fallen back into his grip. 90% of that is because of the powerful saying that came into my head one night. I have spoken about it plenty of times before, but having that moment of absolute clarity was so powerful.

“Take them back!

No, seriously. Take them back until you get tired of taking them back; then, it won't be so hard to let them go.”

When this saying came into my head, it was like a light switch that came on, and I just said to myself,” What the fuck am I doing? I would never let anybody else treat me this way, so why have I given this man three years of my life? Why have I given this man so much of myself when I know deep down that he doesn't fucking deserve it?”

This was the moment I stopped grieving, longing, and wanting him.

I can't describe the moment in another way, but it was so powerful that I felt like I had forced myself back from him.

I catch myself thinking about him sometimes. Not too long ago, I saw him in a store ad, and I was a bit taken aback because, knowing that I had blocked him in any way I could, I was not prepared to see him that way.

I felt nauseous. I didn't want to unfollow the creator he did the store ad with, so I turned to a few friends to speak to them about how I felt. That was also the day I realized that the people whom I saw as my friends, Were not my friends in the end, which is sad, but I am currently in my” I don't give a flying fuck about what people think of me” mood. I was talking to a now former friend of mine, and this person knows what my ex put me through in great detail; what this person came back to me said after I wrote to them about what happened cost me to take a step back and realize the people you think will be there for you when you need them most likely won't be.

I won't explain what this person said, but we are no longer friends. I blocked this person.

A long-time friend who has been by my side has taught me not to give so many chances to People.

If you feel that people are doing wrong to you, there is no reason to keep them in your life.

Most days, I have had to get used to being alone in Second Life. I clearly remember one day when I was logged in for 15 1/2 hours with nobody saying a single word to me. I have had weeks where Second Life has been this way for me, but they happen way more frequently now. Like I said, it has been something I have had to get used to, unfortunately, but it is what it is, and you have to keep going.

Luckily, I have my beautiful daughter to keep me busy. One of my absolute favorite moments with her is when she is nursing. It is at that time that I feel very close to her. I can just sit with her and stroke her face and body while she is nursing from my breast, and I have noticed that this is also a time when I reflect profoundly on things that matter to me.

I don't know if people will think this is weird of me, but I took a small video of myself breastfeeding my daughter; the sounds she makes are also very soothing to me, at least.

Being able to breastfeed my daughter is a big part of the reason why I have not transitioned her into a toddler yet, even though she's nine months old; if I do transition her into a toddler, I won't be able to breastfeed her.

So, I am holding off on that decision for as long as possible.

During this time, I have also noticed that as soon as I try to tell people my story regarding what happened with me and my ex, people suddenly start backing away from me, running in the other direction, or completely ghosting me.

It's pretty funny, but at the same time, it's not. People seem to be trying to ghost me gently, but they don't understand that I can pick up on everything, and I mean every little thing. I can pick up on changes in behavior. Changes in how they type and speak, all of a sudden, go from being hot and heavy into conversations with me to being cold and not even responding to what I'm saying to them. I can pick up on every little thing, and even their energy shifts towards me, and in the milliseconds, they change their mind about me. I feel it.

I hope that second life gives me brighter days soon, and I hope I meet that one person who just can't keep his hands off me and craves me as much as I crave him.

/Tessa

Life

 Hi, everybody. I hope you all are doing great.

I'm doing OK, thanks for asking.

So today marks a special kind of day. It marks 30 days with no contact. If you need to know what I'm discussing, refer to my previous blog post. It seems surreal to me, but it also feels like I've come to this point where I understand that I gave it my absolute all, everything I had, and in the end, I couldn't do it anymore.

I broke no contact for like 5 seconds because even though he had put me through hell, I still wanted to wish the motherfucker happy birthday. Can you believe that?

Don't worry. As soon as I sent the text, I immediately blocked him.

 

How is life for me now? It's different, very different. It's even different from before I met him. I initially struggled with not thinking of or missing him, but one night, I was back scrolling through Primfeed, Thinking about everything and anything.

Suddenly, this popped into my head

”Take them back!
No, seriously. Take them back until you get tired of taking them back; then, it won't be so hard to let them go.”

The moment I said the words out loud to myself, it was like a light switch. Something lifted off of me, and my mindset changed completely.

I have enjoyed exploring different avenues, even new things for my body. It has been a liberating time for me.

I regret not standing my ground regarding him because everything is different for me now. I still don't know how to deal with those emotions, but subconsciously, I am dealing with them because I feel better and better each day.

Going through this big change in my second life sparked something within me that made me want to change my life as a whole. In my first life, I'm making this really big lifestyle change, and these changes are for life.

I decided to build myself back up, I guess you could say, shedding the “old me,” the one he destroyed. Like a lioness standing up from her greatest battle in life, realizing that she's bloodied and bruised, yes, but she can still move on, she is still breathing.

Because that's what I do, I've been raised to do so: You take the punches, you take the words, you take the heartache, you take the fight. You may fall, but stand back up, even if it takes years or months.

And that's what I'm doing.

I'm not a fragile little Princess, Even though I want to be treated like one. I'm a warrior and will stand back up until I can't stand back up anymore.

I'm learning so much about myself through this process—stuff that I can't believe I can put into words yet—but one thing is for sure: If people don't give me what I try to give them in abundance, the moment I finally let you go, you become nothing to me.

I no longer have the time or energy to nurture and care for people who just don't care.

Why should I care about people or their feelings when they don't care about me?

I understand that people have their own lives—we all do—but it takes 5 seconds to put a smile on somebody's face and to change somebody's day. You may be the person saving their life, but you don't know it.

5 seconds.

I understand that this time in my life, especially when it comes to second life, will be very rocky and very lonely, but it will get better after that.

As I said a little bit ago, I have been experimenting with some exciting new information regarding second life. For example, after 14 years, I finally have a mesh pussy.

It makes me laugh when I think about it because it makes me feel like I'm a virgin again. I've also bought this cum system called” it's not mine” It makes it so when and if someone were to, cum on you, and they have the same system , you could walk around with their cum on your body for hours, even days.

When I first tried it, I felt so NASTY and so SLUTTY in a good way.

I had to go into the support group of the system to get help. To my surprise, a long-time fan and follower popped into the chat, and she took the time out of her day to help me feel not so weird about things. we were talking about pussy And Dick and cum. It was fun to do so.

We decided to become friends, and she told me that she had to get ready for one of her DJ sets and invited me to come and listen to her music. Mind you, it has probably been five or six years since I've stepped foot into a club in Second Life, but I was feeling very into myself and very sexy, so I decided to dress up in the skimpiest outfit that I could find and go out dancing and listening to my now-friend.

It was good music! They were doing movie soundtracks, so it was very enjoyable. I have not been to a club for so many years because I'm not really into the techno and alternative music that every DJ is pumping out.

Through this journey, I have also found that I do my “processing” every time I put on a movie, so I have watched quite a lot of movies in these 30 days. I have been going over to my primed, Posting a photo with tonight's movie and the main character and all of that, and then after I have watched that movie, I give mini-reviews.

PRIMFEED Is One of the best social media tools I have ever seen for my second life. I was really against going over to that platform. I have been on Flickr for so long, but boy, am I glad I made the move; it is so freaking good, and it's not complicated to use whatsoever; it is so easy to use that it makes it just a lot of fun to post pictures to talk to people to interact so much better than Flickr.

So, I am still trying to figure out what to do with Flickr. I'm not seeing a lot of engagement, views, or anything, so I think I'm going to pay for my Flickr subscription for about two months more, and then I will just close my Flickr account and be strictly on Primfeed. Its that good! The selling point for me is that you can pay for your pro subscription with Lindens!!!!

I have posted more content on PRIMFEED than I have on Flickr. That alone should tell you a lot.

 

My Erotic content?

It's coming back, don't worry. I have revamped a little bit of my website for that blog; I want to make a few more tweaks and fixes, and the content should be flowing kind of semi-regularly at least because I really feel inspired at the moment. One of my keys for writing is that I don't write anything unless I feel inspired to do so, so that's why my erotic content tends to be really far or really close together.

So please stay tuned for more.

If you have made it this far, thank you! From the bottom of my heart!

/Tessa

 

The second life love that destroyed my passion for second life

 Trigger warning: This blog post will talk about mental and verbal abuse. If you don't want to read about this, I understand entirely. I will not mention people's names because it goes against second life terms of services.

This is my safe space to write about whatever is on my mind. I know this blog exists online and that what I say will impact people differently.

These are my feelings and opinions. If you have any other feelings and opinions, Keep them to yourself or feel free to share them, but do it kindly.

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When I first met this man three years ago, I was happy, bubbly, and outgoing. I had no idea that day would be the day that would change my life and my second life forever.

He was quiet, didn't say much, and had this mysterious presence. I didn't pay much attention to him because he didn't seem interested in me, even on a friendship level.

I formed a strong friendship with his coworker. I say coworker because they owned a business together in their second life, which I would become a part of much later.

As my friendship with his coworker grew, I noticed him more and more. He would say hello now and then, but only a little else. However, my feelings for him grew stronger with each passing day. Even though he didn't say much, I felt noticed in a way I'd never felt before.

One day, he friended me, and I was taken aback because he didn't seem the type of person who had/have many friends. I save this because I am the same way; I would rather have a tiny group of friends who I know will be there for me when I genuinely need them than to have many so-called friends that only show their faces when they need something.

My intuition Told me to "talk to him, go to him. "However, my heart was very guarded at the time, and I was shy, so I didn't listen to my intuition this time.

Time passed, and the friendship between the three of us was unique; that would soon change into something so crazy that I still had a hard time wrapping my head around what the fuck happened.

Fast-forward a little one day. I was in my Second Life cafe getting ready to "open."

I looked out the window, and he was standing there. He usually came with his coworker, so I was baffled when he stood alone. We shared a smile as he walked through the front door; my heart was beating under my chest. We talked a little, and he checked out my cafe. SI continued to get ready to "open" for the day.

I was trying to figure out what was wrong with the fridge I was using when I suddenly felt him very close behind me. My heart was beating out of my chest like a racehorse when I turned around, and his face was inches away from mine.

Until this point in my second life, it had always been me falling for other people but not them falling for me, not even remotely close. I kind of just stood there, probably looking shocked and, at the same time, cute as fuck.

Our eyes met, and you could see and feel the sparks flying. My face was. I could feel my face reddened as the seconds passed, so much so that I had to break eye contact with him, lowering my head. Meanwhile, his eyes were deadlocked on me, not wavering for a second. His hands slowly made their way to the side of my face, lifting my head to his eyes.

I remember his words clearly:" Head up, baby." As he finished the last word, he kissed me. For the first time in my second life, someone "made a move" on me, not the other way around.

My breathing and hands trembled, and I felt like I was flying to 7th heaven.

I kissed him back, even though I think he was in shock in a good way.

He broke the kiss, whispering, "I have to get back. See you when I see you." I smiled millimeters from his lips as I answered, "Mhm…yes."

I had never experienced anything like that before, and I was scared of the feelings that came with it.

But I also felt like I had found my forever.

He was not easy to get to know, but he let his guard down a little more every day than the previous day.

One day, we were hanging out, talking and laughing. We were sitting on the couch, joking around. I can't remember clearly what was said because I have blocked that experience, but we were just joking around, and I jokingly said, “Oh fuck off, will you!”

I could feel the mood shift but didn't think much of it and just continued with the jokes.

When we came home, he sat down on our couch and asked me to join him, which of course I did I tried to kiss him, and to my surprise, he said, “No, stop” The anxiety within me started to grow in a rapid pace it was like my body knew I had pissed him off and was getting ready for war.

I took a deep breath and asked him what was wrong. That was the moment he unleashed himself on me, showing me the true side of him.

I was in shock as I listened to him throwing words of abuse at me.

“You want a man to bow down to you and do anything you say. You want to control me. You always have; you humiliated me in front of my co-worker. A woman doesn't talk like that! You should know your place, tame your fucking attitude!

What should we do about this?

In shock, I sit there from time to time. I try to defend myself, but his words keep coming.

“I suggest that if you haven't got anything nice to say to me or about me, thank you, shut the fuck up!”

Tears were streaming down my face in disbelief at what I was hearing.

He continued to bombard me for a good 10 minutes, and then he said, “Think about what happened today and figure out if you are going to apologize to me in the morning; I am going to bed. Goodnight Tessa”

I didn't even respond, and as he logged off, all I could do was stare at myself in my second life while I was crying in my first life (First life meaning real life)

I knew I should have just gotten out of there, but my heart wanted him.

As time went on, more and more of my friends started to take the exit out of my life, and he started to isolate me; as time went on, he molded me into something that suited him even appearance-wise

he wanted me to be “thinner “because the animations “didn't look right.” When we used them, I changed into someone I didn't recognize. I looked more like I was from another country than the country I am from.

One day, he said, “I want a stay-at-home wife, so you will not work anymore.” With those words, my dream of having a cafe in Second Life was crushed into pieces. I was unsure if I wanted to continue the business because he was always in my ear about it anyway, but I wanted to decide. Not him.

I tried working at different places from time to time during our relationship, but I always quit because he couldn't take it; he couldn't accept that I was not at home waiting for him.

One time, I was working, and he came online. I said, “Hi baby, I'll be home in a few minutes. I need to help this person get up to their room.”

He responded, “Are you sure you're not the room's guest? Insinuating that I was sleeping with the guest and that was my job.

Another time, a friend needed help at the workplace, so I told him I would work and proceeded to put my uniform on. He decided to be the most giant baby he could be and sit silently. I left, and not long after arriving at work, he started to bombard me the previous week; I had said yes to working Valentine's Day because he had told me it doesn't really do much on Valentine's Day or any other holiday for that matter so I said yes well he used that to his advantage by saying” oh by the way on Valentine's Day I want you to send a picture I've yourself to me so that I know that you are working. You are not on a date with somebody.”

I was stunned. I looked at the text message as I proceeded to do my job. He was so angry that I was working that he logged off for the night.

Just to keep the peace with him my second life boiled down to me being home waiting for him for up to seven hours a day while he was off working in second life,

In his eyes, if I was out and about in second life, I was sleeping with somebody else,

If I was talking to a friend, I was sleeping with them.

As time passed, I had just a few friends left; the others got tired of me saying no to hanging out all the time.

On the rare occasions when I was allowed to become involved in his second life's work, I either had to walk on eggshells or be completely quiet to avoid his temper.

One day, his coworker decided to be funny and commented on a song on the radio titled “His Girlfriend Used to Be My Girlfriend” or something along those lines. He thought it was funny because I was dating both briefly.

The coworker didn't know that he set off a massive explosion.

I am convinced that if I had been with this man in real life, he would have beaten me.

His words started coming rapid-fired fire that I was flirting with this coworker, hinting at the fact that I was a slut, That I humiliated him once again, That I kept winding him up, and came the biggest kick of them all, and he knows that this will hurt me.

“You're so blinded by yourself; pity you disgust me.”

but at this point in the relationship, I have learned that if I even give him an ounce of irritation or sadness through his words, he will get off on that fact.

We had gotten engaged by this point, so I said to him, “Here you go, take the fucking ring. I don't want it.”

Then he told me I had never put him first in our relationship. I never make him the priority. Remember that this comes from a man who has molded his girlfriend to stay at the house for up to seven hours daily to keep him happy.

You wonder why the hell I put up with this? And I didn't just leave? I wondered that myself, but when you're in it, and you see glimpses of moments when you are happy with him, it's easier said than done. But in hindsight, I should have left him a long time ago before he even got a chance to do something else that would hurt me emotionally and mentally.

At the start of our relationship, there was one day that I will never forget. It was the day he actually put me into real life hospital because I had such a rapid heart rate I was risking having a heart attack.

He came home. I was sitting on the sofa in Second Life. He came in, stood by the coffee table in Second Life, and asked me, “Do you love having me around?” Do you want me to be around?”

And to that, I say, of course, I do. I love you more than anything in the world

to that, he responds, “Good. Because I need to teach you a lesson.”

I could feel my heart racing, the anxiety building, not knowing what I had done.

He continues, “You are too possessive of me; you are controlling me; I don't like to be controlled. So until you have learned your lesson, I will take away the thing you love the most. I will not come home anymore. I will move in with my friend and decide when I can't come home. You need to learn your place.”

I didn't even respond, and he just left. That sent me into the biggest panic attack I have ever had in my life my husband called 911.

My lips were turning blue. I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't scream somehow. Arriving at the hospital, my doctor took one look at me and asked me, “Did *Name* Do this? Answer me. Did He? I tried to answer him, but I couldn't breathe. I squeezed his hand. After that, I don't remember anything because I blacked out. When I came back to it, my doctor told me that they had to shock my heart back into Rhythm twice.

After every single time, he would verbally or mentally abuse me, he would do what is now known as love bombing, and things would be wonderful for two to three weeks, then he would start back up again.

When I would tell him to his face that he was verbally abusing me, he would say, this is not abuse. This is just mind games.

I have tried to get away from this man and live my own second life the way I want to, and the number of times I have failed is ridiculous.

And almost daily, he would say to me,” If you ever touch another man or if I ever catch you with another man, I will kill you, and I will harass your so-called boyfriend so I can get you back to me.

It has been a couple of weeks since I finally walked out, and I have to say it has been enlightening but also very sad because I now realize that he has destroyed the love and passion I had for second life before I met him.

But I am determined to return to the person I was before, stronger and wiser than ever.

/Tessa

Hey everyone!

 Hello everyone, this is Tessa.

I wanted to write a blog post today, but I am still determining whether it will be long or short. I want to get back into the swing of things and start posting more semi-regularly.

It has been about 2 1/2 2-3 weeks since I left the relationship I had for three years, and I can genuinely say that this time, it's over because I have found myself being happier and more content than I had been for the three years I was with him. I feel like something has just lifted off my shoulders, and I can breathe again.

I tried my very hardest with this relationship. I gave it all I had, and now, looking back on it, I should have stopped after the first time you broke up.

Something else I'm excited about has happened, but I still need to be ready to talk about that. I can give you a little hint: it involves butterflies in my stomach.

These past weeks, I have focused on the fact that I am not on a leash; emotionally and physiologically, it is hard, but I'm starting to come out on the other end of this.

Did I tell you guys about my becoming a book girl? So far, the topics in my books are highly adult-rated, and reading books like that is so liberating and therapeutic.

I am currently on my second book of about 30, but I will slowly get through them one by one, and then I will buy new ones.

I have also thought about doing a new erotic story on my erotic, but the story in my head has not fully formed yet, so I don't want to put it down on paper.

I spent the morning just chilling with someone very close to me. We had some breakfast, and then we watched a movie on the wonderful hivid TV system that Second Life has.

My little munchkin woke up early today, so I breastfed her and prepared her for the day. He seemed to want to be extra close to me today. She is lying in her baby chair by the side of me as I'm writing this, which I enjoy very profoundly. The cute little sounds he makes as she wakes up or when she is just content are some of the best sounds to this day.

She can sometimes be a little impatient, especially when I'm trying to do my makeup. It is not that I wear makeup alone, but little touches of mascara and some blush are all I feel that my face needs at the moment; however, there's no telling how many creams and foundations I will get as the years go by. (That line right there made me feel so old:D)

I hope you all are doing well and that you are enjoying whatever life throws at you.

 If you are going through a hard time, remember that your life Is precisely yours. Do whatever you say your mind to and whatever you must do to feel better to get through this because I know that you can get through it no matter how dark it is.

/Tessa

I'm still here

  Hi everyone, Tessa, I know it's been a long time. I am here now, so let's get right into it.

In my last blog post, I shared with you the incredible surge of positivity that has transformed my life in ways I never thought possible. My life is moving at a thrilling pace, and I'm savoring every moment.

As for my second life, it's a whole different story.

My love life, everything that that entails pretty much been shit.

I tried getting back with my daughter's father, but we all know the story of that by now; it was good for a little bit, but then it became shit again.

I swear my connection with this person has felt like a never-ending carousel, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, and the constant feeling of being in motion but getting nowhere.

It has been back and forth for three years, and I am very much to blame for it because it was amazing when it was good with him. A few days ago, something finally made me realize it was better for me to be alone now. Hopefully, that will change, but I am not in a hurry. I am dizzy from being on a carousel for the past three years.

I have pretty much gotten used to being logged into Second Life and having it on in the background. I do other things because nothing is exciting going on in Second Life at the moment for me. I am hoping that will change.

I have also noticed that the number of people active in Second Life has gone down dramatically these past couple of months. People are finding that going out into the world is better than being stuck at home in front of a computer connected to virtual reality.

With Second Life being so quiet right now, I have actually taken up a new hobby—a hobby that I never thought I would be interested in, but then again, I am a writer, so it's not that far of a jump.

I have taken up reading books, and I mean physical copies, because I'm not going to do the digital reading thing if I'm going to read anything.

I'm reading This particular category of books; it is books with highly sexual content. As I am hoping a few of my readers know by now, I am hypersexual, so books with highly sexual content are right up my alley. I can tell you right now that I regret not getting into this hobby sooner because the amount of ideas and dirty fantasies for my erotic writing is “holy mother of God” type of amount and things.

Speaking of sexual content, I have been working on a new erotic story, so keep an eye out for that!

Motherhood is incredible! My daughter is eight months old now. It's wild to me that time has gone by so fast!

Every moment with her is filled with absolute joy, and I feel an indescribable connection to her that I never knew was possible.

I feel very strongly about being a mother in my second life. Maybe it's because I have chosen not to have kids in my first life. It's not that I don't want them; it's quite the opposite, but I have chosen not to be selfish. My first-life husband's health comes before having a baby. That is all that I am going to say about that.

To do a little summary of everything;

my first life is moving positively in the right direction that I wanted to go.

My second life is very slow, sluggish, and dull at times, But I am still along for the ride.

I hope that you, as my reader, are still along for the ride as well, although the blog posts are few and far between.

/Tessa

♥Where Have I been?♥

 A lot has happened since we last spoke, and there are many things I'm still trying to wrap my mind around because my life has suddenly done a complete 180 in the positive direction. I mean, not in a slow way; it skyrocketed into the positive of everything in my life.

I have chosen not to speak about a few things until this point because they initially felt surreal like they weren't true even though they were. It's hard to explain, but I hope that you get what I mean.

In December of 2023, A very close family member passed away. The person passed away from a massive heart attack. Most of my readers don't know this, but I can feel energies and see stuff that is going to happen or has happened. I can go into details about that sometime if that is possible. So, I think it was the week before Christmas I slowly started to feel like something was going to happen within my family, and I had to start seeing signs of this possibly manifesting itself. I woke up one day, and this close family member was missing to the point where a friend of this family member reached out to my family. After a brief discussion, it was decided that the friend of this family would go over and check on this person because he was closer than we were traveling.

The friend of this family member later called and said that it looked very suspicious, and we all decided that it was time to call the police, so we ended the excruciating 3-hour wait. After three hours of not getting a phone call back, we as the family took it upon ourselves to call the police station the man that took our call was very charity until he saw the police report he said that he would call the petrol that had been at the house and that they would contact us. When the person said this, we, as a family, knew what would come, but we waited longer, and about one hour later, the patrol car drove up to our house. I can genuinely say that I have never felt so in shock, and seeing the car pull up like that, it was going in slow motion as the cops exited the vehicle. We all knew what this meant.

The cops were very polite and soft-spoken with all of us. As soon as they came into our house, they said, “There's no easy way to say this, but the person has been around deceased.” I think it took me about four or five seconds to understand what the cops had just said, and my second thought was something personal that I didn't want to bring up on the Internet.

Of course, I cried but didn't cry because I felt sorrow. I cried because I felt incredibly guilty and still do every day. I think I feel guilty because I couldn't possibly do anything to save this person.

The legal proceedings started almost right away, and we as a family cleared this family member's house; upon doing that, we realized that something had been very, very wrong with this person because the house that we stepped into did not reflect this person whatsoever I would say a few days passed by if we went through this person's belongings we started to see the vast amounts of money this person had left my husband. Not only was it a shock for us that this person was no longer with us, but it was also a huge shock seeing the amount of money.

Not to mention the slow but steady realization that we were now multimillionaires because of this person's passing, my husband and I were afraid to think about the possibility of being multimillionaires in case the papers did not show the actual numbers.

But about three weeks later, my husband received papers showing the substantial amount of money this family member had left us; we were indeed multimillionaires.

I struggle with the fact that somebody has passed away, and because of that, I become a multimillionaire. I struggle with that so much.

I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but is it normal to feel this way? Right now, I don't know how to deal with these feelings. If I could put all these feelings into one word, it would be guilt. I don't know how else to explain it.

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Now, on to some lighter stuff:

My second life daughter just turned five months old, which is wild. It feels like I gave birth to her yesterday.

I started staging her a couple of days ago, so now she can do more stuff, like roll around and lift her head, and it's so cute to see her doing that in the country where I live. We have just started going into warmer summer weather, and it's just incredible.

Not only is my second-life daughter five months old, but she turned five months old just a few days before my second-life birthday, which is on the 20th of May.

Fourteen years of steady Second Life are just wild to me. I say steady, but it's been a rollercoaster for me, both good and evil and even horrible sometimes. Yesterday, while my daughter was napping, I spent a little time updating my wish list on the marketplace of Second Life, so I will leave a link to my wish list below for those I feel generous.

 to my wish list 

Of course, I must also plop in a few photos of my daughter using her new bouncer seat. I must say that the Zooby Baby company in Second Life is currently coming up with awesome things for newborns and babies, whereas before, I felt that Zooby Babies and the creator behind it did not release anything new and exciting for the babies or newborns for months and months even years but now I am happy that I got pregnant when I did because it seems that that community, in particular, is on an upswing again.

If you have made it this far, thank you for being one of my readers and sticking by me until next time. Stay wonderful.

/Tessa

♥Three months ago….♥

 

Today, you came into the world kicking and screaming, And it seemed like you didn't want to leave the comforts of my belly even though my contractions had started early the day before. I felt like I was prepared even though I felt unprepared at the same time.

Oddly enough, you came into the world at the right time and moment.

My life was a complete mess. I had no sense of stability. Before your arrival, I had people who didn't deserve to be even remotely close to me. I realized that now.

I was only 30 weeks pregnant with you when the contractions started. I was home alone. Earlier in the week, I decided to cut people out of my life because all they did was bring me down and confuse me. I was very close to letting my emotions get the best of me and reaching out to someone who had no business being in my life in the first place.

I walked around my house, looking through my contacts, seeing if I could get a hold of someone. In that moment, I have never felt more alone.

Then, I remembered a friend I had lost contact with due to many circumstances. I looked up the "phone number" and stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity before I started typing. I was unsure what to say to this person and didn't remember what I said.

I sent a text, and barely five minutes passed before he responded, "I can try to help you as much as I can; call me."

I had to read the message repeatedly to ensure I was reading correctly. My eyes kept fixating on the words "call me," I thought to myself. "Even though he had not been in my life for ages, he didn't hesitate to answer me." My thoughts left me stunned for a moment.

Nervously, I hit the "call" Button. The phone rang three times before he picked it up and said, "Talk to me." When he said that, tears started rolling down my face. I started with a shaky "Hi, how are you?"

What transpired over the next 14 hours I hardly can put into words. I know that during those 14 hours, I started to pick myself up piece by piece, pieces that I never thought I could put back again.

I felt like I was going through so much more than just labor; I felt like I was healing myself from the inside out, from the humming, through the rocking back and forth, through the closeness, and the screaming and panting. I think I was screaming out More than just labor pains; I was screaming for my freedom and for me to take back myself from the person who turned me into someone I didn't recognize into someone I didn't want to be.

When I finally held you in my arms, and the new chapter of motherhood began, I knew I had experienced something powerful within myself.

Being an independent mother is lonely even in a second life, but I refuse to see this type of independence as a weakness. Of course, my biggest dream within second life is to find that person who comes home, walks through the house into my daughter's bedroom, sees me breastfeeding, leans his arm against the door frame, and smiles at me as he says, "Hi, beautiful. I missed you, both of you."

I don't know if the person will ever come into my life. I hope and pray that he will someday, but until then, I am perfectly happy with being an independent mother to one of the most beautiful girls the world has ever seen. Happy three-month birthday, my Princess.

My labor and delivery

 

 

 

 

Late night gym session

 Hello, everyone. This is yours truly, Tessa. I hope you all are doing well. I am doing fine, thank you.

I decided to get a little blog post while at the gym. (Thank God my dictation device can't pick up on my breathing pattern.)

How have I been since my last blog post?

It has been a roller coaster of emotions for sure. A couple of blasts from the past have been trying to reach out to me again, but I have repeatedly shut them down, and I will continue to do so until they stop trying.

Other than that, my days have been filled with "mom duty," which I love. I have also tried not to be at home as much, but then again, someone once told me, "Why have a home if you are not going to be home and enjoy it?"

So that's my excuse from now on, and I'm sticking to it!

For those of you who have been following and reading my blog for a while, you probably Remember Me talking about an intense whirlwind romance I had with a man at the end of last year. I am happy to report that I am so over that dude. I have been over him for a while. Still, the final straw was when I saw him again in January, I think it was, and Oh my God, he had changed his physical appearance so much that I was saying to myself as he dropped down into my house, "What the actual fucking hell have you done to yourself?" He didn't hear this as I did not have my mic activated yet.

I am a person who says stuff straight out without sugarcoating anything, but I have enough self-control not to bash somebody else's looks in their faces. You might think it's shady, but it's polite.

I have looked at his profile once or twice, and I chuckle every time because this person's ego is way up in the clouds, and it shows through.

I am not 100% back to myself, and I will never be considering what I have gone through. A while back, I revamped my second life profile, which has made people understand me better, but I still get the people who are into the whole ghosting culture. I think I spoke about this in my last blog post that I have started clicking my friend's list because I feel that why should I have people on my friend's list who are simply not going to talk to me or even try to hang out with me except for that one time? It's just ridiculous to me.

My life is slowly settling down again after feeling so "up in the air" For so long.

Over the last two weeks, returning to the hotel business in my second life has crossed my mind more frequently, but I don't know if I want to do that again.

Having a job again in second life would be nice because that is what I like to do. I have my blog and photography, but still, there is just that little something missing for me.

I usually let second life lead me to decisions and opportunities, so I will be open-minded and see where second life takes me this time; it will not be backward, that's for sure.

I better get off this treadmill before my legs turn into spaghetti, and I can't make it home.

See you guys next time!

/Tessa

Moving Forward Not backward

 

Hello everyone, it's me, Tessa. Here is a little update and a brain dump.

At the end of December 2023, I decided to move on from somebody; that decision was long overdue for so many reasons that I will not get into in this blog post because I have gotten into it previously, and I don't want to give this person the satisfaction of knowing that this person it's getting some attention.

For the first couple weeks, I was utterly devastated, and I felt like second life was so different to me; it felt like I was stumbling in the world where I had felt so secure for so many years before this person ever entered my life.

I didn't even speak to what friends I had left because I didn't know where to start.

Even now, as I'm writing this, I'm having a hard time finding my words because what I have gone through does not even feel or sound like me looking back on the situations, and what I allowed myself to become is so mind-blowing to me Because it goes against everything that I believe in and what I stand for.

Four months after that decision, it still feels like I'm stumbling into my second life like I am back in 2010, just getting to know my second life for the first time. It's a feeling that is so strange to me.

Up until recently, I even had a hard time finding something that I could see myself in regards to skin shape and even makeup, and with that came the feeling of not even wanting to be in second life, which also is mind-blowing to me that I'm even saying those words because to me second life it's not something that I could see my life without because it's a massive part of it.

One night, I decided to reach out to an old friend. We had made plans to speak on voice a couple of weeks prior, but real life got in the way. It was late for both of us. Hence, I just started typing out everything I had been going through over the last two years, three years, however long it's been. In the end, that was precisely what I needed. I also told this friend I was having difficulty finding a shape that represented me, especially in the face.

This person has always been incredible at making shapes, so I asked if I could have one of their shapes just as a starting block, and this person didn't hesitate to give me a shape. I also paid for it because it is wrong not to pay for somebody else's shape.

My old friend went to bed, and I stayed up fixing and tweaking my shape until I could see my face in shape. As soon as I could do that, I felt a huge relief off my shoulders because seeing myself within the shape was the most important thing for me.

With that huge relief came the feeling of being incredibly sexy, and with the sexy feeling came the photography. My confidence has gone from complete rock bottom to shooting through the sky. I have taken so many pictures that choosing which ones to post on my Flickr is hard. When I do take pictures, I want to upload them the same day. Usually, I snap the picture and upload it to Flickr within 10 minutes. I don't need to upload as fast as possible, but I've always done that, so it's automatic.

I reflect on the memories with this person, mainly during the night when I am most productive. For some reason, the memories I have with this person are not all bad, but I look back on them and think, "What the fuck happened to me?"

In my life before this person, I would never settle for a person like this. I would never let a person change me like this person did, and we are not talking just about second life. We are talking even in my first life. I can't even fathom how this person picked away at me like I was some wooden object that needed to be sculptured into what they thought was perfect when, in reality, I was already perfect. I can't wrap my head around how significantly manipulated I was, even brainwashed. Yes, you can say, "Oh, come on! It couldn't be that bad! It's second life! Why didn't you block him?"

Please keep your opinions to yourself until you have gone through what I went through.

The title of this blog post is Moving Forward, Not Backward, and although it may seem like I am stuck in a backward mode, this is how I process things out of my system so that I can move forward and essentially let go of this person bit by bit.

I have always processed things through writing, which clears my mind completely.

Since breaking all contact with this person, people I haven't seen in a long time, we're talking years, have come back into my life through a second life. They have done small things just to put a smile on my face.

It feels incredible to be wanted and desired the proper way.

Through this experience, I have become stronger than I ever thought I could be, and I have set boundaries for people and myself; for example, in my profile, I have put the following statement:

I won't chase a man if my absence does not bother him. My presence never mattered.

I think that I don't need to explain what that statement means, but I am tired of being the one who constantly reaches out to other people who continually start the conversation and always give it my all; how about flipping the script and people who are in my life they take the initiative of talking to me reaching out to me so on and so forth.

Now, if people can go months and months and months without talking to me or just reaching out, or whatever the case may be, then I don't matter to them, and it doesn't matter if I am in their lives.

Since putting this boundary in for myself, I have started actively cleaning my friends list. I even asked a friend if it was rude of me to think this way or take people off my friend's list. He said, "Bottom line, people need to respect you more."

When he said that, I felt so empowered because it was precisely how I felt, and I felt validated because somebody else thought the same thing.

A woman like me often gets misunderstood for being "clingy" because I am always the one taking the first step, as I've said, so I'm flipping the script. After all, I don't want people to think that I can't be alone or be without people who do not respect or value me.

I am a woman who loves hard and deeply, which has brought me a lot of sadness through the years, but I still take a leap of faith in people because I don't want to miss that one person who can "see me."

Women like me often get rejected because of how we love people and how strongly we love them.

I have gotten used to being left standing alone while the other person has chosen someone else or is going down a different path. It's wild how used to being rejected I have become. I've gotten to the point where I don't even bother being sad anymore because people cut ties too easily, especially in second life.

Moving forward, I am still in the process of finding the way back to some form of "me," but I know one thing is for sure I am stronger than ever 2024 is my year, my turn to come back, my turn not to give a shit.

I am ready.

/Tessa

♥Thank you!♥

 

Hello everyone, it's me, Tessa. I hope you all are doing well. I am getting more and more back to myself, which is lovely. I still have some hurdles to overcome and get past, but I am getting there.

Yesterday was my favorite time of year, which is Valentine's Day. Many of you know that my first-life husband and I don't go out of our way to celebrate anything except our wedding anniversary.

When showing love for one another, why does it need to be a specific day you go all out? Why can't it be every day?

 (I do say first-life husband because I don't see the difference between second life and what most people call real life. They are both real lives to me.)

Regarding Valentine's Day, for me, especially within Second Life, I love the colors, the romantic feel, the roses, the hearts, the teddy bears, and so on.

Even in my first life, my husband has told some friends, "My wife becomes like a little kid again when she sees all the roses and balloons, not to mention the teddy bears! When I saw her reaction to a teddy bear and roses, I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

Yes, the comment made me cry.

Something about Valentine's Day has me all giddy and dorky inside. Because creators within Second Life usually go all out with decorations and gifts, it becomes 110% more intense.

Because of what I have been through in Second Life these past couple of years, I didn't expect anything from anyone because I lost so many friends and play partners due to my choices back then. I had yet to have the expectations of getting anything from anyone.

So I started my day by getting the tiny love of my life out of her bed when she needed feeding and a diaper change. It was a very special day, except it was Valentine's Day, and my daughter turned two months old. Time flies by, and I want to hit the "slow motion button."

She is the one thing that keeps me going on the ground through dark times. Yes, I know she's not real, but I choose not to think or see it that way, and it's my choice.

When I breastfeed her, I tend to go into my deep thoughts by spending some quiet time with her. I reflect a lot during that time and got my thoughts in order.

Second life has changed a lot for me. I don't know if it's because of the things that I've been through or if the world is evolving, but it feels strange to me sometimes, and as I've said, I can't put my finger on why it feels odd to me I guess I was isolated for so long that I didn't think much of it until now.

I find myself thinking back to the time before all the shit went down, how outgoing, how's openly provocatively sexual I was, the play partners I had, how close I was to some of them, and so on.

As I was sitting there feeding my daughter, I decided to go into my inventory, and by accident, I clicked on the recent tab, and the received items folder was Showing. I thought, wait a minute, I haven't bought anything? I opened the folder, and a lingerie was set in there. I softly started to smile even though I was baffled, so I opened my e-mail because every time I buy something from the marketplace or receive something, I get an e-mail about it.

A very long-term partner of mine had bought me a gift with the words.

"Because you are sexy without even trying and deserve it!"

When I saw that, I became very emotional because he is probably the only person who knows the depth of what I've been through and what it has done to me physiologically and even physically.

I cried a little, and then I decided to try the lingerie on. I must admit it is not a color I would have picked for myself, but to my surprise, it looked good on me, showing how well he knows me.

At this time, he was not online, so I decided to show him a picture when he came online again instead of writing him a message.

Of course, I will show the picture here because some curious eyes are out there that do not necessarily have access to my Flickr account, so here you go.

I never thought I would get into taking pictures again, but it feels like I have been rolling out the pictures like a conveyor belt these past couple of days, so that's another sign that I am returning to myself again.

Among other things, I received flowers and even a vanilla chocolate Dick that had me beaming and laughing at the same time because I knew that this person would pick that from my wish list, if anything.

I am so eternally grateful for everyone who went out of their way to think of me and get me the gift. Having each of you in my life makes my day a little bit brighter.

There has been a request to take a picture of All the gifts I have gotten surrounding me. I am still determining how  I am going to do it, but the picture will be up in the near future.

I'm going to be a bit of a brat and say that if you want to get me something, you can find my wish list on the right side of the page, and I will also link it here.

until next time ♥ /Tessa

She is 35 days old already!

Hi everyone, it's Tessa. I hope you all are doing fantastic. I'm sorry I haven't updated this blog in a while. You know how it goes by now.

As I played with my daughter on the floor today, I realized she was already 35 days old. Where has time gone?

This will be a baby update and a brain dump, so get ready.

I have been through a lot these past months, days, weeks, whatever you want to say. Still, I also have found that I have grown a lot as a person, and I am finally starting to feel like I'm getting back to my “old self” again, which feels lovely but also scary at the same time because I have not had this freedom for so long, Dad. I don't know what to do with it. I am so used to being unable to do what I want in second life because it didn't please this person.

Before I continue, I want to clarify that I am not talking about my first life relationship with my husband.  Our relationship is tremendously solid and will not break for anything.

So let's continue….

Even though I am so incredibly happy to have my freedom back to do what I want to be creative to be my naughty self again, I am terrified and nervous. I am constantly thinking about what if I heard this person's feelings or if I said something stupid to this person.

I know that this mindset is due to the psychological and emotional abuse that was put on me for about two years straight, and I know that the scars I have emotionally will probably never go away. You might think this is crazy, but until you have been in their position, I was, please don't judge me.

Some days, I feel fine and back to some version of myself again, but then some days, I withdraw back to being home alone, not talking to anyone, and mostly just standing around.

What's crazy is that I want to reach out to him again, but of course, I stopped myself because my freedom now is 10,000 times better than I had when I was with him. Don't get me wrong, most days with him were wonderful, but then there were those days that have scarred me forever.

I couldn't see it back then, but those wonderful days were his love-bombing me to return to his old ways again a few days later.

Moving forward, I've started making new and wonderful connections that I never thought I would have again, and it feels terrific.

A few days ago, another blast from a very recent past decided to come back into my life again and to be honest; I've had a tough time trying to forget this person and move on just because of how things ended.

By the end of it all, I was more confused as to why this person even had reached out to me again because this person didn't make any sense whatsoever. The only thing I became very clear on was that I didn't want this person anymore. The drama that comes with this person is something I don't want. After that day, it was like, “Yeah, I'm done with you.” This person did not look like they did when I first met them. It was a shock for me, not in a good way.

One of my very close friends had to come over to try and help me make sense of what this person was trying to accomplish by reaching back out to me.

While telling my friend what had gone down, he had as many questions as I did regarding the situation.

The one thing that has been constant in my life is my daughter Sofia. I take care of her every day and feel like a mother. It's the most beautiful feeling you could ever feel. Being a mother is one of the biggest dreams I have had in life, and coming to terms with the fact that I will never be a mother in my first life has been very hard, so to be able to experience motherhood in second life has genuinely helped me More than I can say with words I know she's not real but to be honest with you the more advanced the Zobby babies get, the more real she becomes to me.

My daughter is my everything; my daughter brings out something within me that I never talked about that I could experience, and for that, she is very accurate also.

I can't explain how having a baby in my second life has impacted me positively.

For all the men out there who think that if they are interested in me, they would have to take on a baby, you're mistaken. My daughter is my responsibility; she is mine, and I wouldn't push her on to anyone.

While we are on the topic of potential relationships, I have found it very hard to find people who connect with me on a mature, intelligent level; when I go to certain places in second life, I get hit on yes, but most of the time, it's not even flattering or intriguing for me I feel like “Meh”…. Before I continue I want to say this is my personal opinion so don't come after me.

I feel like most of the men in Second I've forgotten how to talk to a woman in a respectful, polite manner before jumping into the bedroom. I mean, they would never go up to a woman who is a stranger and say, “Ohh can I fuck you today, baby?”

When I see IMs like that, I don't even respond.

Peak my fucking interest! It makes me want to get to know you. It makes me want to lie down in bed with you.

Second, life is and will always be a virtual reality. Finding love or love connections would be much easier if people stopped trying so hard to be something other than themselves.

One thing with me that's never going to change is how I view second life. As I said, my second life is a virtual reality, and I will always 100% be myself. I will not role-play; I will not “play someone.” I'm not. Who I am in my second life does not differ one bit from who I am in my first life; the only different thing is the fact that I am walking in my second life; in real life, I'm using a word chair that's all there is even how I look in second life it might not be 100% accurate. Still, if I don't “see” myself in the way I look, I won't stop perfecting myself until I do.

I have said this for many years: second life is not a game. It's a reality.

The sooner people realize that the sooner people will see second life from a different perspective and maybe just maybe be a little bit more open to 2 possibilities and feelings.

/ Tessa