The second life love that destroyed my passion for second life

 Trigger warning: This blog post will talk about mental and verbal abuse. If you don't want to read about this, I understand entirely. I will not mention people's names because it goes against second life terms of services.

This is my safe space to write about whatever is on my mind. I know this blog exists online and that what I say will impact people differently.

These are my feelings and opinions. If you have any other feelings and opinions, Keep them to yourself or feel free to share them, but do it kindly.

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When I first met this man three years ago, I was happy, bubbly, and outgoing. I had no idea that day would be the day that would change my life and my second life forever.

He was quiet, didn't say much, and had this mysterious presence. I didn't pay much attention to him because he didn't seem interested in me, even on a friendship level.

I formed a strong friendship with his coworker. I say coworker because they owned a business together in their second life, which I would become a part of much later.

As my friendship with his coworker grew, I noticed him more and more. He would say hello now and then, but only a little else. However, my feelings for him grew stronger with each passing day. Even though he didn't say much, I felt noticed in a way I'd never felt before.

One day, he friended me, and I was taken aback because he didn't seem the type of person who had/have many friends. I save this because I am the same way; I would rather have a tiny group of friends who I know will be there for me when I genuinely need them than to have many so-called friends that only show their faces when they need something.

My intuition Told me to "talk to him, go to him. "However, my heart was very guarded at the time, and I was shy, so I didn't listen to my intuition this time.

Time passed, and the friendship between the three of us was unique; that would soon change into something so crazy that I still had a hard time wrapping my head around what the fuck happened.

Fast-forward a little one day. I was in my Second Life cafe getting ready to "open."

I looked out the window, and he was standing there. He usually came with his coworker, so I was baffled when he stood alone. We shared a smile as he walked through the front door; my heart was beating under my chest. We talked a little, and he checked out my cafe. SI continued to get ready to "open" for the day.

I was trying to figure out what was wrong with the fridge I was using when I suddenly felt him very close behind me. My heart was beating out of my chest like a racehorse when I turned around, and his face was inches away from mine.

Until this point in my second life, it had always been me falling for other people but not them falling for me, not even remotely close. I kind of just stood there, probably looking shocked and, at the same time, cute as fuck.

Our eyes met, and you could see and feel the sparks flying. My face was. I could feel my face reddened as the seconds passed, so much so that I had to break eye contact with him, lowering my head. Meanwhile, his eyes were deadlocked on me, not wavering for a second. His hands slowly made their way to the side of my face, lifting my head to his eyes.

I remember his words clearly:" Head up, baby." As he finished the last word, he kissed me. For the first time in my second life, someone "made a move" on me, not the other way around.

My breathing and hands trembled, and I felt like I was flying to 7th heaven.

I kissed him back, even though I think he was in shock in a good way.

He broke the kiss, whispering, "I have to get back. See you when I see you." I smiled millimeters from his lips as I answered, "Mhm…yes."

I had never experienced anything like that before, and I was scared of the feelings that came with it.

But I also felt like I had found my forever.

He was not easy to get to know, but he let his guard down a little more every day than the previous day.

One day, we were hanging out, talking and laughing. We were sitting on the couch, joking around. I can't remember clearly what was said because I have blocked that experience, but we were just joking around, and I jokingly said, “Oh fuck off, will you!”

I could feel the mood shift but didn't think much of it and just continued with the jokes.

When we came home, he sat down on our couch and asked me to join him, which of course I did I tried to kiss him, and to my surprise, he said, “No, stop” The anxiety within me started to grow in a rapid pace it was like my body knew I had pissed him off and was getting ready for war.

I took a deep breath and asked him what was wrong. That was the moment he unleashed himself on me, showing me the true side of him.

I was in shock as I listened to him throwing words of abuse at me.

“You want a man to bow down to you and do anything you say. You want to control me. You always have; you humiliated me in front of my co-worker. A woman doesn't talk like that! You should know your place, tame your fucking attitude!

What should we do about this?

In shock, I sit there from time to time. I try to defend myself, but his words keep coming.

“I suggest that if you haven't got anything nice to say to me or about me, thank you, shut the fuck up!”

Tears were streaming down my face in disbelief at what I was hearing.

He continued to bombard me for a good 10 minutes, and then he said, “Think about what happened today and figure out if you are going to apologize to me in the morning; I am going to bed. Goodnight Tessa”

I didn't even respond, and as he logged off, all I could do was stare at myself in my second life while I was crying in my first life (First life meaning real life)

I knew I should have just gotten out of there, but my heart wanted him.

As time went on, more and more of my friends started to take the exit out of my life, and he started to isolate me; as time went on, he molded me into something that suited him even appearance-wise

he wanted me to be “thinner “because the animations “didn't look right.” When we used them, I changed into someone I didn't recognize. I looked more like I was from another country than the country I am from.

One day, he said, “I want a stay-at-home wife, so you will not work anymore.” With those words, my dream of having a cafe in Second Life was crushed into pieces. I was unsure if I wanted to continue the business because he was always in my ear about it anyway, but I wanted to decide. Not him.

I tried working at different places from time to time during our relationship, but I always quit because he couldn't take it; he couldn't accept that I was not at home waiting for him.

One time, I was working, and he came online. I said, “Hi baby, I'll be home in a few minutes. I need to help this person get up to their room.”

He responded, “Are you sure you're not the room's guest? Insinuating that I was sleeping with the guest and that was my job.

Another time, a friend needed help at the workplace, so I told him I would work and proceeded to put my uniform on. He decided to be the most giant baby he could be and sit silently. I left, and not long after arriving at work, he started to bombard me the previous week; I had said yes to working Valentine's Day because he had told me it doesn't really do much on Valentine's Day or any other holiday for that matter so I said yes well he used that to his advantage by saying” oh by the way on Valentine's Day I want you to send a picture I've yourself to me so that I know that you are working. You are not on a date with somebody.”

I was stunned. I looked at the text message as I proceeded to do my job. He was so angry that I was working that he logged off for the night.

Just to keep the peace with him my second life boiled down to me being home waiting for him for up to seven hours a day while he was off working in second life,

In his eyes, if I was out and about in second life, I was sleeping with somebody else,

If I was talking to a friend, I was sleeping with them.

As time passed, I had just a few friends left; the others got tired of me saying no to hanging out all the time.

On the rare occasions when I was allowed to become involved in his second life's work, I either had to walk on eggshells or be completely quiet to avoid his temper.

One day, his coworker decided to be funny and commented on a song on the radio titled “His Girlfriend Used to Be My Girlfriend” or something along those lines. He thought it was funny because I was dating both briefly.

The coworker didn't know that he set off a massive explosion.

I am convinced that if I had been with this man in real life, he would have beaten me.

His words started coming rapid-fired fire that I was flirting with this coworker, hinting at the fact that I was a slut, That I humiliated him once again, That I kept winding him up, and came the biggest kick of them all, and he knows that this will hurt me.

“You're so blinded by yourself; pity you disgust me.”

but at this point in the relationship, I have learned that if I even give him an ounce of irritation or sadness through his words, he will get off on that fact.

We had gotten engaged by this point, so I said to him, “Here you go, take the fucking ring. I don't want it.”

Then he told me I had never put him first in our relationship. I never make him the priority. Remember that this comes from a man who has molded his girlfriend to stay at the house for up to seven hours daily to keep him happy.

You wonder why the hell I put up with this? And I didn't just leave? I wondered that myself, but when you're in it, and you see glimpses of moments when you are happy with him, it's easier said than done. But in hindsight, I should have left him a long time ago before he even got a chance to do something else that would hurt me emotionally and mentally.

At the start of our relationship, there was one day that I will never forget. It was the day he actually put me into real life hospital because I had such a rapid heart rate I was risking having a heart attack.

He came home. I was sitting on the sofa in Second Life. He came in, stood by the coffee table in Second Life, and asked me, “Do you love having me around?” Do you want me to be around?”

And to that, I say, of course, I do. I love you more than anything in the world

to that, he responds, “Good. Because I need to teach you a lesson.”

I could feel my heart racing, the anxiety building, not knowing what I had done.

He continues, “You are too possessive of me; you are controlling me; I don't like to be controlled. So until you have learned your lesson, I will take away the thing you love the most. I will not come home anymore. I will move in with my friend and decide when I can't come home. You need to learn your place.”

I didn't even respond, and he just left. That sent me into the biggest panic attack I have ever had in my life my husband called 911.

My lips were turning blue. I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't scream somehow. Arriving at the hospital, my doctor took one look at me and asked me, “Did *Name* Do this? Answer me. Did He? I tried to answer him, but I couldn't breathe. I squeezed his hand. After that, I don't remember anything because I blacked out. When I came back to it, my doctor told me that they had to shock my heart back into Rhythm twice.

After every single time, he would verbally or mentally abuse me, he would do what is now known as love bombing, and things would be wonderful for two to three weeks, then he would start back up again.

When I would tell him to his face that he was verbally abusing me, he would say, this is not abuse. This is just mind games.

I have tried to get away from this man and live my own second life the way I want to, and the number of times I have failed is ridiculous.

And almost daily, he would say to me,” If you ever touch another man or if I ever catch you with another man, I will kill you, and I will harass your so-called boyfriend so I can get you back to me.

It has been a couple of weeks since I finally walked out, and I have to say it has been enlightening but also very sad because I now realize that he has destroyed the love and passion I had for second life before I met him.

But I am determined to return to the person I was before, stronger and wiser than ever.

/Tessa