I woke up
on the 13th of December, 2023, and felt something was slightly different, but I
could not put my finger on it. So I went on about my day. If you have been
following me, you know that I have been going through a little bit of a rough
time lately with my second life, and I have been feeling; it's not often that I
use the word depressed, but this time, I think I'm going to have to. I have
been feeling depressed over everything that has been going on, and all the
drama surrounding it made me think about whether the right should stay in
second life or not. I thought I had made up my mind a few days ago, but then
something positive happened, and I felt like I could move on because everybody
was telling me I made the right decision. I made the right call for myself. But
still, there has been this feeling of trying to find my footing again, but it seemed
that I couldn't.
I had no motivation,
and I was not looking forward to anything, which is not like me at all before
all of this; I used to be able to move on and not think about it, but I think
this time because it had been going on for so many years in second life. Then,
when I finally got out of that situation, it was like the old me was gone.
Then a few
weeks after that, another shit storm in second life when down the course, I was
caught in the middle of it. I fell head over heels for somebody I shouldn't
have. All of them thought they were playing me for a fool when, in actuality, I
saw right through it because that's part of my gift. I can get into that
another time, but I wanted to give you all a little information as to why
things went down the way they have.
As I said,
I went shopping occasionally, trying to get my mind off things.
It had been
on my mind for a few days that I maybe could make a post on my Flickr saying
that I was looking for a birthing partner because I didn't want to go through labor
and delivery by myself.
But my mind
kept returning to this one person who had been on my mind for months regarding
labor and delivery and how I wanted it to be. I knew that he was the one person
who could pull this off with me and take it deadly seriously without even
having to blink.
I had been
going back and forth, trying to muster up the courage to ask him to be there
with me.
I finally
wrote him a message, and then the waiting game started.
I didn't
think he would respond to me, but then, on the third day, he did respond; his
response was more than I could ever have hoped for. I thought it would be this
awkward discussion and everything like that, but when we started talking, he
never left.
From the get-go,
he was attentive, even when talking about stuff other than the labor part; he
was right there.
So we
talked, and we talked then, around midnight second lifetime, I started to feel
this pain in my lower back. It was not horrible, but I could feel it at first;
I thought it was just back pain because she had been kicking so much, but then
as time moved on, the pain slowly but indeed made its presence even more
substantial and around 12 20 PM, I said to my friend “something is up,” and he
kinda listened to my voice. He said, “Maybe keep an eye on things for now,” so
we did, and we talked, the more intense my back pain started to get.
Suddenly,
this massive wave of dull pain set in kind of like all over my body. All I
could say was my friend's name, which I said in a very “I think something has
started “voice.
All he said
was, “Yes.” And we both knew this would be happening sooner rather than later.
I did my
breathing exercises, and we just kept talking. He was watching something in his
real life, and I was lying on my bed in my second life, so yes, he was not in
my second life, but he was still with me on discord, supporting me through my
pain when I needed it and just talking with me.
It was
still very early, so I wanted the contractions or whatever they would go away.
But as time passed, I realized that this would not go away. My friend was very
attentive and supportive, like a partner should be, and he made me feel the
recall and the situation; for him and me, it was expected to proceed with
everything on voice. I know that may sound weird to people, but to me, it's a
way to connect and experience something like this. I knew that giving birth in my
second life was always going to be something very personal to me and that I
would need someone that could be with me at the moment and not feel weird about
it. I can tell you this: if the words “perfect partner” had a face and
personality, it would be him. He was with me for about 7 hours, never leaving
my side. When he needed to go to bed, he said, “If anything changes, call me,
write to me, keep me in the loop” about three times to reassure me that he
wanted to be a part of this experience 100%.
We kept
talking for a little bit until he finally passed out.
I stayed up
a little bit, bouncing on my birthing ball. I looked out of my window, and it
suddenly hit me that so many people have invested in this pregnancy, but I have
had to let them go by myself. I don't have anybody else but him.
There were
times during my labor and delivery when I had tears streaming down my face
because it was so real for me. This goes back to something I always say: second
life is real to me. I don't put on an act; I don't play a character; I am just
being me. My friend knows this about me, so there has never been a question or
anything like that about how he would approach this because he approaches
things as if they were real. After all, to us, it is real. Maybe not everything
he does on his end of things is real for him. Still, he would never throw it in
my face.
After a
little bit more bouncing on my birthing ball, I needed to go to the bathroom,
and of course, when I was on the toilet, I got a contraction from hell, so I sat
on this toilet for about 10 minutes straight trying to figure out how I could
get myself off of this toilet I tried to move. However, in the end, I decided
to remain still until the contraction was over, and I was able to go to bed and
“lay down with him.”
(it is now the 14th )
After a few
hours of sleep while trying to sleep, at least He woke up straight away and
asked me how I was doing and if anything had changed. I told him that I tried
not to wake him up because I knew he would need his sleep. He said,” Babe, I
told you you could wake me up if you needed me. It's okay.” Once again, he made
my heart melt. We texted a little bit before we decided to do a call. I got
back on the birthing ball; I was about 4cm dilated and still kind of in denial,
haha.
Once again,
my friend knew exactly what I needed from him without having to ask him for it,
and that just goes to show how deep of a connection you can have with the
person if you just let yourself have it and be in the moment. The contractions
got stronger and stronger, and then suddenly, we were at the point of no return
because my water broke. I looked at my friend, and he looked at me, and I said,”
Hope to God that was Pee and not my water breaking.” I could hear his smile and
slightly smirk when he said,” Well, the only thing to figure that out is to
smell it.”
As I softly
laughed, I looked at him with a “Are you serious?” face.
I bent down,
and sure enough, it was not P. It was Water. I looked at him and said that does
not pee; it's water. He looked back at me and said,” Well, that means it's gone
time.”
And go time
it was; I had been in labor for a total of 10 hours, maybe more, when my water
broke. My contractions were massive, and my friend started to time them so that
we would know when it was time to move me over to the birthing pool. The whole
time, he was very attentive and very romantic. Let me repeat this in case you
haven't understood this yet: we were On Voice the entire time, from start to
finish. I think I had about six or seven contractions on my birthing ball
before I finally told my friend it was time for the pool. We didn't time every contraction,
but the last one I had on my birthing ball was about 3 3 minutes apart, and
they left it about 2 minutes. My friend helped me get into the pool and positioned
himself so that I could hang from around his neck, facing him.
By this
point, I was in a lot of pain, and again, I had a few tears go down my face
because it was so realistic for me. I tried to control that part of myself,
though, because I did not want him to know that I was getting emotional about
it, although I don't think he would have minded if I had told him that I was
crying.
My friend
checked my dilation after about 3 contractions and said, “When you have the
next contraction, go ahead and push.” When I heard him say that, I felt very
calm and ready to do what my body needed.
Although I
knew that this was what my body needed to do, I was in a lot of pain, and I
screamed, I hyperventilated, I cried, and my friend was just in the moment with
me the whole time; he was telling me” it's OK oh here it's OK you can do this,”
and even when I said haf screaming “I can't do this I can't do this I can't do
this” he said “yes you can you can I promise you”
I think I
had about or pushes and Sofia bus in my arms. My friend and I just sat there,
and I told him thank you, and he said,” You did it.” you did it,” “Of course
you're welcome.”
As things
calmed down, we talked about other stuff as I was holding my daughter, and
after a little bit, my friend had to take care of some stuff in his real life, and
now, I'm sitting here blogging to you with my daughter on my breastfeeding
pillow feeling like I have just turned a new page in this book called second
life.
/Tessa
