♥ Pick yourself before anyone else♥

 * Opens the door and slowly walks inside, throwing my keys on the side table. *

coming home to an empty house is something I am used to by now, but I'm not used to being alone.

I have been coming home to an empty house for three years; this is the first day in three years that I will be living alone.

It's very, very hard at the moment. My mind is very dark, but I'm trying to see the light up ahead three years, and I gave it my all. I did everything possible, but ultimately, I had to choose me. I had to decide to walk away from everything I ever said but still stand behind the words. I never say anything. I don't mean.

The tears had been streaming down my face for hours when I suddenly stopped, thinking to myself, "Why the hell am I crying? I mean, really, why am I crying? I have tried and tried and tried for three years…? I have been more than patient, borderline stupidly patient. I have given chances upon chances upon chances when I really should have just let go."

I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and looked in the mirror. "Pick yourself up because no one will do it for you." At that moment, I felt strong again and independent; I knew I saw myself again. I knew then that I had a way back and was not lost.

This will be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I need to choose myself; I need to pick myself before anyone else.

/Tessa