♥Hypersexuality-the undying desire♥

 I have gone back and forth trying to decide if I should do this blog post because it is personal. It can sometimes be seen as a joke or the person not being believed, but I have decided to speak about this since I do talk about everything else on my blog, so why not speak about this, or why shouldn't I speak about this.

This post will stem from real life, but second Life has a big part, so I will usually blend the two.

Let's start:

No, this is not a joke, and I am not making this blog post funny; I'm actually making this blog post so that people can understand how hard this is to live with. In my early 20s, I got diagnosed with something called Hypersexuality. In simple terms, I am more or less turned on 24/7.

When I tell people about this condition, most say, oh, that must be so much fun, but it isn't. I would say it's sexy and fun 85% of the time, and the rest of the time is frustrating and sometimes painful.

My very first orgasm was actually from a car moving. I don't know if you can imagine every slight vibration or movement of the vehicle stimulating you to the point that you orgasm every 10 to 15 minutes. You are orgasming so hard that your husband must turn to the side of the road, shut off the car, and wait.

I can walk past a guy and immediately start thinking about how it would be to have sex with him, how his body looks without clothing, and how he would seduce me. It doesn't matter if I try to not think about it.

I have at least three orgasms before I get out of bed in the morning, or I can't even think straight. If I were to try to hold off on orgasming before getting out of bed, sex would be the only thing I repeat on my mind, and it doesn't matter if I want it or not.

"Hypersexuality is extremely frequent or suddenly increased libido." 

"Nymphomania and satyriasis were previously used for the condition in women and men, respectively."

"Hypersexuality is known to present itself as a symptom in connection to several neurological disorders."

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know I have cerebral palsy, a neurological disorder. 

If you haven't read my three-part series about how my disability affects my body, I highly recommend you read that.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

This will sound crazy, but this is how it is for me. Even food can trigger a sexual fantasy; In other words, it turns me on to the point that that sexual fantasy is the only thing I can think of.

Take chocolate. For example, some chocolates have some kind of cream filling that is white most often, which makes me think of cum and sex.

The sound of somebody whipping up eggs triggers me so on and so forth.

There's a lot of stigma surrounding Hypersexuality because of a lack of information about it. Of course, we have movies that show Hypersexuality as a kink, addiction, or disease. I don't agree with the addiction and disease part at all.

I am not addicted to sex; I just have a massive sex drive, and I don't see it as a disease because I am not dying from it.

How does     SecondLife positively affect my Hypersexuality?

There is no study or information about Hypersexualityy affecting other people in the way I am about to tell you, so I have no research and no proof that this is the case. This is just how I work, I guess.

Second Life has helped me a lot over the years in so many different ways I don't even know where to begin telling that story. But I can tell you that Second Life has positively affected my Hypersexuality because if it wasn't for Second Life, I wouldn't be having this blog, and I wouldn't be writing my erotica.

Me writing my blog in my erotica has helped me to calm down my Hypersexuality in a way. I would say it's like 4% better than before 4% is quite a low number, but I am happy with how I can cope with a lot of the sexual tension and sexual arousal that I have 96% of the day.

Second Life it's very sexual oriented please; that is why it's rated as an adult "game" most of you know that I don't call second Life A "game" Because, in my opinion, second Life is so much more than that, so I called it a virtual world because that is what it is.

 

When I tell people in Second Life I have this condition, most say," oh, that's great. You must have a freakishly amount of sex" I get why people would think that and if I didn't practice self-control, I probably would be having a lot of sex with my husband, but because I practice self-control, we don't have a freakishly amount of sex.

So self-control is a big part of it, but that's also a big part of us not having a lot of sex because my husband doesn't want to have "blue balls."

Comes to Second Life I love having sex; I love everything about it, the closeness, the orgasms, the tension release between two people, everything.

Believe it or not, with the right person, I can easily orgasm 5/6 times without even touching myself, Sometimes even 10 to 11 times.

I don't even have to see the person physically in front of me in Second Life to be able to orgasm. I know this sounds strange to some people, but in Second Life, it's more about what you write to another person than what you do physically if you understand what I mean.

Another thing I have noticed over the years, and I don't know if this has anything to do with my Hypersexuality. Still, The thing is that if a guy in second Life writes to me that he is kissing my neck or something like that, I can actually feel physically what that would feel like. The same goes for anything sexual in Second Life; I can feel it. 

So far, in my 11 1/2 years in Second Life, I have only met one other person that has Hypersexuality. This person is a male, but I am curious to know how many people actually have Hypersexuality. But they just think they have a high sex drive when they could have this condition.

This person I have met really gets me and can say I know what you're going through without lying because he is the same way.

Like I've said before, there is a lot of stigma surrounding Hypersexuality, so many people don't talk about it. I suspect it would be interesting to see how many people would have the criteria for Hypersexuality.

There is a crucial thing to point out, and that is:

Just because I have Hypersexuality does not mean I am a sex robot or don't feel the need for foreplay. You actually do, and you have to turn me on even more before it becomes sexual

don't be an Asshole and go straight to the point just because you think I don't need "warming up."

I am terrified of posting this, but I somehow feel compelled to post it, so please take your time to read it because it is important to me and maybe crucial to others.

♥Tessa♥

I DON'T Roleplay!

 When I go into second life, I don't take on a role; I don't play somebody else. I inhabit what I look like in second life, but everything else, it's me! What I'm doing is me, if I'm dancing, it's me, if I'm with somebody it's me, it if I am having sex with somebody I would have sex with them as if they were with me in real life it's my feelings my response is how my body reacts! I am Not a role!

I have never been somebody that" roleplay's" in second life, and I would never do that in second life because that disconnects me from my second life.

There is this new thing going on around second life. Maybe it's not new, but it's called "paragraph roleplaying."

If you're into that, you better off writing a book, in my opinion, now I have friends that are into that, but they also know that I am a sport away from that as possible.

For me roleplaying is something you would do in World of Warcraft or some other type of game. For me, second life is not a part of that "game category" because second life is so much more. I will never ever look at second life as just a game or, as some people called it, a virtual chat room."

When people ask me do I role play, it kind of pisses me off because I've stated that second life is not a place where I role play.

But nothing pisses me off more than people who speak or write in the third person Or give me compliments in the third person, for example, "oh your avatar looks, nice oh I really like your avatar. It's so sexy."

Why do people do this? Haven't people figured out complimenting somebody saying, "oh, you look sexy today," or I really like your body?

That will automatically help boost the other person's self-esteem. Disconnecting somebody from what they look like in second life is just rude.

I show my genuine emotions in my second life. I don't hide behind anything; I show passion, I shall love, I shop happiness, I show sadness, I show grief, I reveal everything. 

I AM ME.

Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy Me!

'm the kind of girl that girls don't like
I'm the kind that boys fantasize
I'm the kind that your momma and your daddy were afraid you'd turn out to be like
Were afraid you'd turn out to be like
I may seem unapproachable
But that's only to the boys who don't have the right approach or ride
That makes a girl like me wanna hop in and roll
People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality
I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent
I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy
Just like all my thoughts, they always get a bit naughty
When I'm out with my girls, I always play a bit bitchy
Can't change the way I am, sexy, naughty, bitchy me
My mouth never takes a holiday
I always shock with the things I say
I was always the kid in school who turned up to each class 'bout an hour late
And when it comes to the guys, I'd lay
I'd always pick the ones who won't figure out that I was clearly rebel
To the idea of monogamy

I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy
Just like all my thoughts, they always get a bit naughty
When I'm out with my girls, I always play a bit bitchy
Can't change the way!

I like all my shorts to be a little too shorty
Unlike all my guys, I like 'em tall and how they put me against the wall.
I love all my nights to end a little bit nasty.

Reflection's and thoughts

Hello everyone hope you all are doing well? My post before this one was a bit of a brain dump for me; I just needed to clear my head of all the thoughts that were going around.

If that post seemed a bit all over the place, I do apologize, but then again, this is my blog. I write the content for the blog, so if some posts are a bit all over the place, that's because I am all over the place in my thoughts, but I need to get them out somehow.

I have always been a true believer in using a book to just braindump in, and then when you feel like you are finished,  just close the book, put it back on the shelf, and just leave with it. That has been something that has genuinely helped me in my struggle, and I still do it today.

In my Last Post, I talked about how second life feels foreign to me, saying that that feeling is slowly. Still, surely I have my ideas on what was causing me to feel that way, but yet I can't really pinpoint it still. Still, I am just happy that it's resolving itself and going away because that was truly the strangest feeling I have ever felt in my entire life, and I'm not over exaggerating.

As I'm writing this post, I'm sitting in a charming cafe in second life. It's very calming and relaxing and helps me gather my thoughts correctly before putting them down on paper.

When I sit here, I tend to start reflecting on the past and how the past is affecting me now. Even though I don't, I want it to.

I was married in second life for, I would say, about 18 months, but The thing is, I was alone 98% of the time. I was literally married to a ghost because my second life partner was also my second partner in real life. Even though we both decided that he would not be present in second life, I still felt forced to stay married to him in second life.

Now yes, second life is virtual reality. What I could have done was just divorce him, and it would have cost me 25 lindens, but I felt that if I did that, he would have taken that as an insult because he would literally think that I would be "divorcing" him in both worlds.

Looking back on that, I should have just divorced him and been done with the whole partner in second life thingy because he wasn't even there. He didn't even care about what I was doing in second life, so every day, several times a day for 18 months, I had to explain to people why he wasn't there. There were literally people thinking that he was my alt, meaning my own second account in second life.

These past 18 months have really changed me. It has changed how I am as a person, how I deal with things how I function because I always hear his voice at the back of my head talking down to me or about me saying that I have changed so much I have moved swings, and so on and so forth.

 

When I would stand up for myself, he would almost immediately make me feel that I was dramatic or stupid, even just by how he would look at me when he was reacting to what I was saying. I know I said a couple of posts back that I wouldn't bring up something like this because it didn't belong on the Internet, but I figured I am not giving you the whole story; I'm just giving you snippets of what led me to make the decision I did.

For the first year of our relationship, it was beautiful. Everything great. He was very affectionate, loving, and so on, but the last eight months of our relationship were brutal. I think he became more relaxed, and that's when he started to show sites of himself that I genuinely didn't know he had.

It got to the point where my real-life husband said to me," OK, enough is enough kick him out. He is not respecting you, and he is not respecting your wishes, and I won't stand by watching you be treated like this."

 Before it all came down to this, I had really tried so hard, so hard to make it work because I genuinely believed It would get better between Him and me, but it never did. It got worse and worse.

I want to clarify I am not talking about my real-life husband here; I'm talking about somebody I met in my second life, and we decided to take our relationship to the real world. Yes, my husband was perfectly OK with this, Because we are Polyamorous!

So again, I am not talking about my real-life husband, my real-life husband, and I have a rock-solid marriage.

Looking back on it all, I should have ended it as soon as I felt that something was not sitting right with me. I should have ended it when I saw him change right before my eyes, but I didn't.

Slowly I'm getting back to myself, but to be honest, it's going to take me a while, but I guess you have to start somewhere.

/Tessa

second life is so foreign to me Now.

 Hi everyone, it's me, Tessa. I hope everyone is doing well this evening. Sorry for not updating again, but real life has kind of taken priority, but today I felt like I needed to braindump about what's going on in second life for me. After all, this is primarily a second-life blog, but as you all know, I blend the two lives like no other.

If you have read my previous blog post, you all know that I finally got divorced in second life about, I would say, a month ago or maybe a month and a half. I don't really know, and that is something I don't dwell upon, really.

But I have had these weird feelings ever since I got the divorce. It feels like second life is so foreign to me at the moment. I'm meeting people left-right, but they all have this weird reaction to the fact that I have a real-life husband. Don't get me wrong, I've dealt with that comment in the past, and I have found myself explaining why my real-life husband is OK with the fact that I am in second life and I have sexual relations with people.

I was hanging out with somebody today, and I was pretty happy with the way things were progressing between the person and me. We started talking more about sexual things, and the person was like, "oh, is that your husband in real life?" I responded by yes, it is. and the person just said," Oh, OK, cool, but I wouldn't want to mess around with somebody else's wife regardless if he is OK with it or not."

I just said there dumbfounded because it's second life sure, I know about plenty of marriage is going wrong because of second life but let's be honest if a marriage breaks apart, do too one or the other meeting somebody in second life the person has probably felt like they wanted out a long time before second life came around.

When it comes to me and second life, I feel like I am just walking on eggshells for some reason, as if second life was something new to me. I don't know why I have this feeling, and I don't know if it ever will go away or ever be the same again the way I looked at taking a life before.

Let me just get something out of the way before I continue being a wheelchair user in second life has not changed end it will never change I am just waiting for my new wheelchair to be done and for the new wheelchair to be distributed across second life.

In all honesty, my personality has done a complete 180 from the way it was before I got together with the man who would later become my second life husband and also my second partner in real life. Before I met him, I was really flirty, I was really outgoing, I made people laugh, made people happy, I was really sexual, I was going out places in second life and all of that. Still, it's like I don't feel comfortable going out in second life be talkative in second life, or being flirty with somebody. I am still wanting to be sexual, and that's something that will never ever change. Still, it's like I'm second life, virgin trading on new territory.

I didn't realize how much of a personality change he did on me. I don't know what's going on; I just know it feels fucking Strange.

This might come across in the wrong way, but I don't really care. But I want to feel wanted attractive sought after. It shouldn't come down to whether I have a real-life husband or not. This is virtual reality, and whether I have a real-life husband or not should not even enter your mind.

There's even a segment of my husband in my picks explaining how he sees second life and so much more that should be enough for anyone.

I have so many decisions to make these coming days my brain is just exploding. I just hope that my feelings regarding second life and everything I've written about get better.

♥Tessa♥