saying Hi.

 So, what have I been doing since my Last Post?

I still live in a hallway full of moving boxes, but I am slowly getting through them and making my new home in Second Life feel like my home. It still feels weird to me to be living alone and to be able to do whatever I want in second life again. Before I go any further, I have been getting messages from people concerned about what is happening to me in my real life. I want to calm everybody down and say my real life is lovely. I am thrilled and will continue to be satisfied in my real life for as long as I live. I'm blogging about this situation concerning my second life and my second life breakup. Some people may have a problem understanding my type of blogging, so I encourage you to read the disclaimer part of this blog before you continue to have a better understanding.

OK, now let's move on.

Those of you who have been following me for a while and following this blog for quite some time know that I had a pretty nasty infected break About one year before getting into this relationship, which has now ended. Still, with a hand on my heart and soul, these two relationships have been the most damaging relationships I have ever had combined in real life and second life.

After getting out of this second-life relationship, I feel so unsteady, uncertain, and self-conscious I don't know why; that's a lie. I know why: I let this guy get too close to me. I did whatever he wanted to make him happy, which is so out of character. I don't know why I'd let him get so close to me. It was like every day was revolving around him.

He asked me to stop blogging, and I did.

He asked me to stop taking photos, and I did.

He asked me to stop working in Second Life, and I did.

There was so much I let him take away from me to make him happy.

I endured quite a lot from this man. Of course, it was never physical, but the mental side of it? Yeah, the mental side of it was so damaging.

He has asked me to forgive him for the pain that he caused me, but his actions spoke louder than his words, and they still do.

I have been trying to get back to some form of normalcy in my second life right now. I plan to return to the person I was before and make new friends.

I have been enjoying the Black Friday sales. I picked up a new Lelutka head, One that I have been watching ever since it came out, I think five years ago now, but I never wanted to buy it at full price, so I finally took the plunge and bought it when it was 50% off I think the lelutka sale is still going on so I might pop over and by one more head before the sale ends.

I have also been picking up a few bits and pieces for the baby I wanted, and that store also had 50% off.

I'm pretty much ready for her to be here regarding the baby's needs. I feel very content with what I have for her.

As far as taking a bit of "me" time, I have been enjoying being alone, decorating my house, and watching movies within Second Life; watching movies is very relaxing, and it helps me to put my thoughts in order or spark an idea for a subject that I want to write about. 

All in all, guys, it feels amazing to slowly but surely be an independent woman again. I am going to embrace the time it will take for me to get there. It might go fast or slow.

/Tessa

♥ Pick yourself before anyone else♥

 * Opens the door and slowly walks inside, throwing my keys on the side table. *

coming home to an empty house is something I am used to by now, but I'm not used to being alone.

I have been coming home to an empty house for three years; this is the first day in three years that I will be living alone.

It's very, very hard at the moment. My mind is very dark, but I'm trying to see the light up ahead three years, and I gave it my all. I did everything possible, but ultimately, I had to choose me. I had to decide to walk away from everything I ever said but still stand behind the words. I never say anything. I don't mean.

The tears had been streaming down my face for hours when I suddenly stopped, thinking to myself, "Why the hell am I crying? I mean, really, why am I crying? I have tried and tried and tried for three years…? I have been more than patient, borderline stupidly patient. I have given chances upon chances upon chances when I really should have just let go."

I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and looked in the mirror. "Pick yourself up because no one will do it for you." At that moment, I felt strong again and independent; I knew I saw myself again. I knew then that I had a way back and was not lost.

This will be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I need to choose myself; I need to pick myself before anyone else.

/Tessa

Dear Diary- Feeling the Feelings + Hoodlem – Maternity Products!

Hello, everyone. I hope you all are doing well. I am doing quite well. Although this time of year always throws me in a loop emotionally, I am not alone when it comes to that.

I have not updated on my pregnancy because my doctor's appointment discouraged me. It has taken me quite some time to process things, and before you jump to conclusions, it was not anything my partner did; my partner and I had a wonderful time at the appointment privately between us.

Since the appointment, I have decided to cancel my labor and delivery with them.

That is as much detail as I will give this.

I enjoy this pregnancy because of the interactive furniture provided by Hoodlem and the pregnancy belly I'm using; it's incredible.

I feel incredibly connected to the pregnancy, more so than I've ever done before.

I will leave links to Hoodlem and the pregnancy belly at the end of this blog post.

This time of year is always tough for me emotionally, and like I said at the beginning of this post, I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way, so yesterday, I decided to lay down on my bed, dim the lights, light the candle and put on a movie in second life. I'm doing the same thing right now as I'm writing this, apart from watching a movie.

Creating a calm, soothing environment actually helps me gather my thoughts and emotions in a better way.

As I watched The Equalizer 3, feeling my daughter kick and move around, I thought, "I used to be OK with being alone in Second Life; now I hate it?"

In those thoughts, I missed people I hadn't talked to or seen in years, wondering what they're up to now and if they are still walking this earth.

Rather than pushing those feelings away, I just laid in them, letting my mind come forward. I hope you can understand what I mean.

So many people push their minds and feelings away because the emotions and feelings are too much to feel. I understand why people are doing it, but I have found that if I let myself feel the feelings, whether good or bad, I always feel better.

I hope that makes sense to somebody out there; if it does not, well, I guess I'm crazy or something.

As of today, I am 23 weeks plus one day pregnant; it is starting to get a little bit uncomfortable laying down, so what I have found very, very helpful is the Hoodlem - Maternity Pregnancy Pillow (Flat)

Apart from being very comfortable, it also has incredibly realistic animations, five of them to be exact.

I can go on and on about Hoodlem – Maternity Products; they are incredible. As I said in this post, I have never felt as connected to my second life pregnancy as I do now. 

When it comes to the pregnancy belly, it's pretty tricky to get the right shape of the stomach itself, but once you figure out the sliders in your shape and what they do to the belly, it's incredible.

When it comes to clothing, the belly works with a rigged BOM Mesh, especially for the belly.

Hoodlem is absolutely knocking it out of the park regarding maternity clothing for this belly, particularly up to this point. I have every single clothing item that can be purchased for the stomach that Hoodlem has provided so far, and they keep on coming out with new things and clothing that is absolutely mind-blowing.

I am not sponsored by this company; I don't even know if they know I exist, so I'm not hyping them up for a profit because there is none; they are incredible.

Hoodlem Main store 

My belly 

♥Please leave a comment if you so wish I read every single one and respond to every single one♥ 

/Tessa

PS I know the picture is dark, but if you click on it, you can enhance it.

17 weeks+3 days pregnant

 Wow, I'm 17 plus three weeks pregnant. It feels like this pregnancy is flying by. It's hard for me to believe that in three weeks, I will be hitting the halfway mark….HAF WAY!

 This pregnancy is and has been bringing me so much joy. I feel connected in a way that I haven't felt before. This time, it feels so much fun and so loving. For those who have not been pregnant in a second life, let me explain a little bit about it as much as I can, at least. Many couples in second life choose to have a shorter pregnancy than in real life. You can also conceive and track your pregnancy through a variation of hud.

So, for example, the woman can choose to do her entire nine-month pregnancy in WEEKS in second life time. (Don't quote me on that; I am trying to explain as simply as possible.)

I am doing a nine-month second-life pregnancy with a 24-hour conversion, which means that my days in second life are as long as my days in real life.

When I tell people this, people often think that I'm crazy but brave because, as I said, most couples never do the 24-hour conversion.

When it comes to pregnancy, I can't see myself doing it any shorter because it wouldn't be realistic to me, and there's also the significant factor that I was born very prematurely.

Because I see second life as a form of real life, why would I want my baby to be born prematurely? That's not going to happen.

I must say this pregnancy has been the most enjoyable out of the pregnancies I have had before, and I think it's since I have found a pregnancy belly that makes me look beautiful and not the "horrible stretched-out belly way." I am using [BORK] Mommy Mode for eBody Reborn1.0.2. Getting the shape for the belly right is tricky, but once you nail that, it's stunning!!!

I am also using maternity clothing by Hoodlem. Hoodlem provides maternity mesh clothing that will fit the belly. Hoodlem is the best creator and provider of all things maternity, especially regarding the belly and apparel. The clothing is relatively expensive, but you get so many color choices with the clothing; some clothing is even interactive.

 There are not many mesh body creators that have nailed down a realistic pregnancy body yet, which baffles me because, believe it or not, pregnancy and the family way of second life have become more and more popular over the years, so I am hoping that a mesh body will turn up soon that has that "perfect" pregnancy body and belly look.

The picture you see above, which I took about 30 minutes ago, is my five-month baby bump picture. I should have stood more to the side so you could see the belly more, but as most of you know, I take photos now, so I didn't think about standing more sideways.

Yes, there is a black-and-white filter over the top of the photo; I have made it personally. Other than that, the picture has no retouching or editing.

Saying that I feel so sexy would be an understatement. I feel so beautiful and sensual I don't even know what to do with the feelings sometimes; I know that this must seem crazy to you, but it's genuinely how I feel. I have never been pregnant in real life, and I will never be, but the feelings I get from being pregnant in second life must be the closest I can come to experiencing the feelings a pregnant woman would have.

If you have any questions or want to say anything, please don't be afraid to leave a comment on this blog post. I read every single word I get and respond. Are you also pregnant in second life? Please reach out to me♥/Tessa.

Dear Diary....I took a Train Ride.

 * Open the drawer and pull out my very dusty diary*

As I flip through the pages to land on the fresh one, I realize that for the first time in a very, very long time, I have the freedom Of my second life back, the freedom of me back, But yet I feel some sorrow I say" some kind" because I don't know what these feelings are.

The words exchanged are still ringing in my head, although those words made me realize what I have been dealing with for the past 2-3 years.

I gave it my all in the end; that was not enough.

Only a very few people in my second life and real life know the true extent, and I intend on keeping it that way.

Somehow, I feel nervous, excited, sad, and sorrowful all at the same time, and it's tough to control all of these feelings, so as always, I turned to my trusty blog, and I write because this is my safe space; this is my place.

I moved into a one-bedroom apartment provided by La Bella Dream Estates. The landlord is good!

It's tiny but perfect for me, at least now.

I have been exploring rather than staying at home doing nothing. Even though it's way out of my comfort zone to do something alone, I'm proud of myself for doing it.

I am a part of a group called Greg's Bar and Lounge, and he always announces when he has a boat, plane, or train ride.

Yesterday, I took the boat right, which I had been looking forward to for a long time, but finally caught the Announcements in time.

It was fun and something I highly recommend other people do if you like to explore and travel.

Today, I finally managed to catch the train ride! Oh man, I was so excited!

Yes, that's me at the very back of the train. The train ride was long, but I like traveling long distances in real-time, even though it's in second life. It took about an hour, maybe an hour and a half. I don't know; I lost track of time.

As the train was moving up and down through the little towns in bridges, I realized its similarity with my second life being so up and down for the past 2-3 years. The train had a lot of people, but I needed to pay attention to what was said in the local chat. I just went into my mind, trying to make sense of everything.

If someone had told me what I know today and what has led up to this point four years ago, I would have told that person that they were absolutely crazy. Looking back on everything, I don't know what to say because my mind is blown away.

I had a hot cup of coffee about midway through the train ride, but of course, it messed up my sitting animation, so I had to stand up, which led me to fall off the train(Yes, you can laugh)

The train driver, Mr. Greg Timmerman, was swift in giving me a teleport back onto the train; I always seem to fall into the water, off the train, or anything else when I decide to explore.

I didn't even know Second Life had train stations; some are beautiful!

I highly recommend that you join Greg’s group and go on one of the traveling cruises that he has to offer. There are some lovely places in Second Life, so please don't miss out.

It will be quite some time before I feel like I am back to myself; I am back to myself but not genuinely confident or steady on my feet yet.

Thank you to all of my readers for sticking by me and for being there for me by continuing to read my blog.

♥Tessa♥

4 Months Pregnant. 15 weeks♥

 Hi everyone, it's Tessa! I hope you all are doing well. It was time to have a minor update for you, even though my next doctor's appointment is at the end of September.

Since I left posted, I have enjoyed myself and this pregnancy. The nesting has been in full swing, and it's still going.

Baby clothing, baby furniture, strollers, and pregnancy accessories galore!

I recently started using a pregnancy belly from the brain called Bork, and even though it was pretty tricky to get the shape right, I must say it's a very fantastic product, and I highly recommend it; the only downside to it is that it's very limited in clothing, but you can use BOM.

Having a pregnancy belly has really enhanced my experience a lot.

Regarding the furniture, I have finally settled on a crib from Dust Bunny; it's stunning and very antique-looking, which is my vibe.

When it comes to the strollers, however, I have yet to find one that I could see myself using, so we are up to five different ones at the moment.

When I shop for baby stuff or pregnancy stuff, I tend to dig through all of the weekend sales that are going on in Second Life. Today is Sunday, so in Second Life, there is something called "Lacey Sunday weekend sale." I thought I would not find anything today, but then suddenly, I hit the jackpot.

 A store called The French Baby Closet made the most beautiful interactive baby photo album; for the price of just 75 lindens, I'm debating on whether I should go back and buy the other three photo album designs because when it comes to this product, you can't beat the price of 75 lindens.

Direct Link

Because I enjoyed this pregnancy, I even had a mini maternity photo shoot. This Belly is really giving me so much joy beyond any words. It might be cheesy, but it's how I feel. Who did my mini maternity photo shoot? Me

This might sound a little bit strange, but if you are struggling with getting your pregnancy Belly to look right, to have the right shape; if you struggle with feeling pregnant beautifully like I have been with my past pregnancies, this is the Belly for you.

Direct Link

Stay Tuned/ Tessa

Baby update♥

 On the 25th of July, 2023, I had my first doctor's appointment. I arrived about an hour early because I wanted to be on time and was super excited. When I came, I sat in the charming and professional-looking waiting room; they didn't have any magazines, so I just sat there and had a moment to myself. I was thinking about many things like I have spent 13 years in my second life, 13 years! I often reflect on what I have been through during that period and how different my life is now compared to then.

You can put it in simple terms and say that I have grown up because I have.

But there's so much more to it than just growing up.

I find this very interesting; ever since I became pregnant in second life, I often find myself rubbing my stomach both in my second life and real life every time I miss him.

 Yes, you can go ahead and call me crazy, but that's just how I am. When I am pregnant in my second life, I often feel "pregnant" in real life.

After reflecting for a little bit, I Got hungry. I went to the little cafe area that the maternity clinic has with vending machines for pizza is hamburgers, AKA a pregnant woman's dreams, but I decided not to go crazy, so I made myself a cup of coffee.

Yet again, I reflected on certain times in my life and how far I've come from that.

I get jolted back to reality when my doctor calls my name. We small talked for a bit, she checked my file, and then it was off to the bathroom for me to give a urine sample for those that don't know the first thing you have to do on every maternity appointment with this clinic.

After reflecting for a little bit, I Got hungry. I went to the little cafe area that the maternity clinic has with vending machines for pizza is hamburgers, AKA a pregnant woman's dreams, but I decided not to go crazy, so I made myself a cup of coffee.

Yet again, I reflected on certain times in my life and how far I've come from that.

I get jolted back to reality when my doctor calls my name. We small talked for a bit, she checked my file, and then it was off to the bathroom for me to give a urine sample for those that don't know the first thing you have to do on every maternity appointment with this clinic.

After giving my urine sample back to my doctor, it was time to head on over to the exam room, I was a little bit nervous, and I had butterflies in my stomach because I knew that at this appointment, I would be hearing the baby's heartbeat and seeing the baby for the very first time.

My doctor prepared herself by washing her hands, wearing gloves, and checking the urine sample test results. I went ahead and set it on the examination table.

Everything looked beautiful, but my doctor had a slight concern that she could see that I hadn't been drinking enough water, which is funny because I have a hard time drinking water even in real life.

As we talked, she gave me a little wireless monitoring patch that you are putting on yourself so that she can take your temperature, your blood pressure, Monitor and listen to the baby's heartbeat, and so on.

My doctor was amazed by how strong of a heartbeat my baby had. For only ten weeks he or she is only about nine weeks and three days at this point; that is the actual time of pregnancy.

Of course, I became very emotional when I heard the heartbeat. That is when it hits you that you are growing another human.

After doing all of the checkups for the baby and me, it was time to head to the ultrasound room; no, unfortunately, I didn't take any video of this or take a picture when I saw the baby on the ultrasound monitor due to the simple fact that I forgot.

I always get so emotional when it comes to these moments because it becomes so real to me. For this doctor to take the time to type out every step she does, including putting the ultrasound gel on my stomach, is worth more than anything; you may think that it's a very minor detail to do, but for me, it's enormous.

After giving me some information on what is for the baby, it's 10 weeks pregnant such as organs, fingers finding the suitable placements, checking measurements, and ensuring that the baby is developing typically. We talked briefly as my doctor wiped my stomach with the ultrasound gel. She prints out an ultrasound picture for me to take home. I slowly get dressed, and she reminds me to drink more water and check on the information cards she gave me for the next appointment.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE HERE if you wish to have an ultrasound picture to take home, you must tell your doctor beforehand.

And also, the prize for the ultrasound picture is 250 lindens which is a minor cost for me but could be a considerable cost for somebody else.

And now, finally, the moment you've all been waiting for here is the ultrasound picture!

*SMILES*

until next time remember to LOVE /Tessa