I Keep Meeting the Same Man in Different Bodies

 Hi everyone, it’s me, Tessa.

I just needed to come on here and clear my mind a little bit.

So the guy I talked about in my previous post… he’s done and dusted. And honestly, that turned out to be a good thing.

About a week later, I met someone new in Second Life. At first, it felt really good. The connection was there, the passion was there, and I actually liked it. It didn’t feel forced or weird. It just felt natural.

But pretty quickly, something started to feel off.

He was always there. The moment he logged in, he would be at my house, right next to me. It didn’t matter what I was doing, he was just there. And at first, it feels nice, because you think, okay, this person wants to be around me. But after a while, it stopped feeling nice and started feeling suffocating.

And for someone like me, who has been alone for almost two years, and who is polyamorous, that just doesn’t work. I don’t want someone glued to me like that. I want a partner, not a lapdog.

Another thing I noticed was how he kept asking me what I had been up to, over and over again, like he was trying to steer me into giving a specific kind of answer. It didn’t feel like normal curiosity. It felt like he was waiting for me to say that I had been fucking around with different people. But when I told him the truth, that I had been studying, taking care of Sophia, and just living my life, he just went, “oh.” And it wasn’t neutral. It sounded disappointed, like I hadn’t given him the answer he was looking for.

Then he disappeared.

I didn’t see him for a couple of days, and apparently he was sick. So when he came back, he told me he had logged in just to see me. And yeah, that sounds sweet, but at the same time, if you’re that sick, why are you even at the computer?

He asked me what I wanted to do, and I said we could go to a restaurant. So we walked there from my house. But as soon as we got there, it was obvious he wasn’t feeling good at all. He told me he wanted to go back home and lie down on top of me.

So we went back.

And I honestly expected him to log off and go to bed, because that’s what a normal person would do when they’re sick. Instead, he laid down with me in Second Life and then went to sleep in real life, leaving me sitting there alone at one or two in the morning.

And that’s when something hit me.

I’m not doing this.

I’ve done this before. I’ve sat there waiting for someone for years, three years of my life with someone who was abusive, and I’m not putting myself in that position again.

So I told him I was logging off, that I loved him, and that I would see him tomorrow, and then I left.

The next morning, he logged in again. I had left him in my bed naked, but now he was fully dressed. And I just sat there thinking, okay… so you were online after I left. Which is fine, but then you can’t have been that sick.

That’s where something shifted for me, because now it just didn’t add up anymore.

So I told him straight. If you’re sick, you should be in bed, not at the computer. And then there’s the crashing. Logging in, logging out, over and over again. And funny enough, it always seemed to happen during our more intimate moments.

So I told him clearly, until you fix that, I don’t want you near me.

He said he understood, and then he left.

And funny enough, after that, he was able to be online for seven hours straight without logging in and out.

So I just sat there thinking… okay, this is bullshit.

He left me alone after that, and he’s stayed away since. The only time he reached out was to ask how me and my daughter were doing. That was the moment I decided to be brutally honest with him.

You do know I’m polyamorous, right? There is no exclusivity between you and me, because that’s not how I work.

And I can’t be with someone who is submissive to me. I need a man who knows who he is. I need masculinity. I don’t want softness.

And he kept saying that he understood.

But I was just sitting there thinking… no, you don’t.

Because if you did, you would have read my profile. You would have seen it on my Primfeed. It’s literally one of the first things about me.

One thing that put me off even more was when he straight up asked me if I was into black guys. And I told him, that has nothing to do with it. Color has nothing to do with it. It’s about the mind of a person. And then he goes on to say that he had been looking at my Primfeed from earlier, back when I was, in his words, “a little more slutty.” And I just sat there, thinking… what? Are you serious?

I even went as far as taking down the pictures we had on Primfeed, because I don’t see the point in keeping them up when he doesn’t even acknowledge them publicly. He doesn’t like them, he doesn’t comment on them. He just tells me privately that he loves them, and that’s it. And yeah… I do miss him a little. But the reality is, there are just too many things about him that irritate me, and I can’t look past that.