⚠️ Trigger Warning: abuse, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, coercive control
I’m a resilient person. No matter what knocks me down, I get back up. I’ve always told myself and others: if something bends you, you’re not broken — and there’s no reason not to rise again.
People often ask how I can be so “untouchable.” The answer is simple: I don’t care what others think of me. Their perception is their problem, not mine.
Gaslighting and Control
I spent three years with an abusive partner in Second Life. His real-life brother pretended to be my friend, but behind my back he pressured my partner to leave me — especially when I became pregnant in SL.
One day, my ex told me point blank: “I don’t like how pregnancy looks on you, so please just have the baby right now.”
For some, Second Life is just a game. For me, it’s an extension of myself — freedom despite my real-life disability. So when he said that, it cut deeply. It felt like he was telling me to end something real, not just pixels.
What his brother did only amplified the abuse. But the truth is, my ex was a narcissist. His brother’s interference made it worse, but the abuse came from him.
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
One experience changed me forever. The three of us were working on a project in SL while I was also writing a blog post. A song came on called My Brother’s Girlfriend is Now My Girlfriend. His brother laughed and said, “Oh, this song really reminds me of something.”
I laughed too, because before I was only with my ex, I had been in a polyamorous relationship with both of them. That had worked well — until my ex ruined it because he wanted me all to himself.
So there we were, months later, the song playing, both me and the brother laughing at the irony. And then, in the middle of the conversation, my ex IM’d me privately: “Shut up.”
I told him never to speak to me like that again and I left. When I got home, he was furious. He raged in caps, accusing me of ruining his honor, of making him look like an idiot. And then he said something I will never forget:
“You’re so blinded by your self-pity. You disgust me.”
Those words cut deeper because he knew I’m disabled in real life, and he also knew there isn’t a “pity me” bone in my body. I’ve never wanted pity, because pity doesn’t help anyone.
Living by His Rules
He constantly told me I didn’t prioritize him, that I didn’t love him. The irony is that for three years straight, I shaped my entire life around him. By 6 p.m. every evening in my time zone, I made sure to be at home in SL, waiting, because that’s when he might log in.
If I wasn’t there, he would accuse me of cheating. So day after day, year after year, I stayed home before 6, trapped in this routine to avoid his accusations. Eventually, I spent hours every night doing nothing but waiting, because I knew it was the only way to keep him calm. And still, he said I didn’t put him first. How is that not prioritizing?
When I Tried to Build Something for Myself
Another experience stays with me. I had a job I loved, working at a hotel in SL. It functioned like a real hotel: serving dinner, doing room service, checking people in.
I asked if I could work on Valentine’s Day, knowing he never celebrated holidays. He agreed — but then abused me in IMs all day, demanding “proof” I wasn’t in someone’s room having sex. He even made me take a picture to prove I was really working.
Finding My Power Again
I went through all of this, and finally knowing I wasn’t crazy — that this was actual abuse — made me feel empowered again.
I still think of him from time to time and the moments we shared. Even though they were few and far apart, there were good moments. Those are the memories my mind goes back to, because in those moments I felt safe and secure.
Those moments of love-bombing made me feel like he was the love of my life. For a while, they erased the thoughts of “Why don’t I leave him? Should I leave him?” The love-bombing blurred out the bad — and that’s why I stayed as long as I did.
The Truth
But here’s the truth: love-bombing isn’t love, it’s manipulation. He broke me down, but I got back up. And now, while he’s nothing more than a bad memory, I’m still here — stronger, louder, and impossible to silence.
What This Was: A Checklist of Abuse
Sometimes survivors doubt themselves and wonder, “Was this really abuse?” Let me be clear: yes, it was.
Here’s how what I went through fits into recognized patterns of abuse:
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Gaslighting: making me doubt reality, insisting I didn’t prioritize or love him, calling me “self-pitying” when I wasn’t.
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Emotional & psychological abuse: constant accusations, rage in caps, shaming me for laughing or being pregnant in SL.
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Control & isolation: forcing me to be online by 6 p.m. every night, demanding proof of my work, trapping me in routines.
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Coercive control: shaping my entire daily life to avoid his anger and accusations.
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Love-bombing & trauma bonding: rare “good moments” and bursts of affection kept me hooked, erasing the abuse temporarily.
Online or offline — abuse is abuse. The pain, confusion, and damage are real. And so is the strength it takes to survive and reclaim yourself.
