That feeling of being unwanted?
When
somebody suddenly stops reciprocating back to you?
When do you
feel like you are suddenly being "friend zoned" after it being so lovely?
I hate feeling
all of the above, and that's precisely what I have been feeling for the past
couple of weeks.
It all
started with the father of my baby Not being "himself" towards me or this
pregnancy. I had felt like he was pulling away more and more from me, but I
didn't think much of it because we all have a real life outside of second life,
at least I hope everyone does.
But I had
this feeling in the back of my head that something was not right, and when I
get those feelings, I usually end up being right in the end, and unfortunately,
my feelings did not prove me wrong this time either.
There was
an incident a few days before this that I also put to the back of my mind, but
as the day went on, I got increasingly annoyed about what happened.
He came to
the Bistro and made a "smart-Ass-comment" about the pregnancy, and i just
finally had enough at that point, and I told them a piece of my mind I would
not let him speak until I was done. By the end of the conversation, he just
told me, "I will talk to you later."
He messaged
me a few days later, and the short story is that he will no longer be present
in my second life or this pregnancy. Not that it matters because he has never
even been to one doctor's appointment With me. He only ever showed genuine
interest in wanting to be with me the first time.
So I have
been going alone every time, every month. Luckily I've had friends and partners
that have the loud me to share my experience with the pregnancy with them.
If it hadn't
been for them, I would have stopped this pregnancy a long time ago because I
promised myself that in my subsequent pregnancy, I wouldn't be doing it by
myself.
Yet here I
am, 22 weeks pregnant, and I'm not talking second-lifetime wise; I'm talking real-life
time nine months of pregnancy.
I don't
know what to do or what to feel at this point because it feels like everyone
that I meet ends up clicking with the end up pulling away from me in the end. I
don't want it to be like that. I want to feel:
Loved
Appreciated
Wanted
Desired
I don't
want people to think that I am needy because I'm not I have a strong desire to
show people that I genuinely love them in any way I can. When it comes to
second life, I am very affectionate, and when I feel something for someone,
I'll never stop showing them what I feel for them.
If only
people could stop seeing second life as a world where you role play, I think
more people would feel the way I feel about it. I mean, for fuck's sake, even
the founder of second life calls second life for what it is a virtual reality! Let
me repeat that—virtual reality.
This is not
World Of Warcraft, people! So, stop treating it like it is! I promise you the
moment you stop treating second life as "any other game," a whole new world
will open for you.
Yes, I fall
in love with people in second life, and my feelings are genuine, but that
doesn't mean I'm delusional and think about meeting the person in
real life because that will most likely never happen 100%. Still, I do I mean
every single word I say to a person that I love.
You can ask
anyone that knows me. I am honestly incapable of lying to somebody; I have
always been that way sometimes; not being able to tell a lie can sometimes be tricky,
and most often, I get in trouble.
so you can
understand how you feel when somebody suddenly flips a coin or something and friend-zones
me, making me feel
unwanted
unloved
undesired
and so much
more.
For me, WORDS
are essential In second life.
words or
phrases like "holding your hand."
"kissing
you gently."
"I love you."
Are very,
very important to me because when a person says or writes this to me, I feel a
deep connection to that person; besides, I would hope that The words "I love
you would trigger anybody to feel something."
I use the words
I love you, A LOT because I believe it's essential to show each other affection
even though you must be across the world from each other.
me and my real-life
husband, for example, say I love you to each other more than 200 times a day
because you can't really "overuse" those words (believe me, I have met people
that think that you can say I love you "too much."
What the hell
kind of crap talk is that?!
I am tired
of feeling like this and being disappointed time and time again, so I have
decided not to be the first person to say, "Hi baby, I missed you," hi baby," I
love you" I am just going to put my head down and make people not take me for
granted.
To most
people reading this, I might come across as a "needy Bitch” I have one thing to
say to you: you don't know me at all if you think that way about me. And to be
honest, I don't care if you do. That shows me I don't need you in my second
life or real life.
If I say I
love you to you or anyone else reading this, Deb means I do love you regardless
of our world because I am incapable of shutting off my feelings like I would
shut off my computer. That's just the way I am, so you can either take it with
open arms, or you can leave.
Thank you
for listening/Tessa
Oh, and by
the way, I am having a little girl….
